Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential. Read on for this week’s rant…
Inspired by Angry Birds: The Movie launching (get it) at the ABSOLUTE height of the app’s popularity *sarcasm*, I thought it would be fun to pitch movie ideas for five other apps. No doubt the world is clamouring for more of these big screen adaptations. Remember when Battleships: The Movie premiered? Of course you do. That cinematic masterpiece was the launching point for the entire Hasboro Universe. You know, that universe that produces a new movie, based on a board game, every nine months? Anyway, this universe needs more app inspired movies. So I’m going to grease the tracks and really get this runaway train rolling.
Movie #1
The Pitch: In a world where all jobs are completed by people bidding on jobs from their phone, one man has the tenacity to find permanent, full time employment… with benefits! That job? Assassinating people who delete the one app that rules us all. But what happens when Shane Vansen must assassinate the one person who has been loyal to him for his whole life… his brother… THE PRESIDENT? In a film that seamlessly blends Idiocracy with Taxi, Ryan Tedder, Morgan Freeman, and Amy Schumer star in…
UBER: The Movie
My Fangirl Life Review: 7 emojis out of 10. I got lost on the way to the theatre, but there was a water fountain there and I was thirsty.
Movie #2
The Pitch: In a world where wars are fought with words, not weapons, one man must find out the meaning behind the words… and who is using them. But what happens when a homonym is played and someone takes offense to a double entendre? Drama happens. Paul Wang must find the President and convince him the world is worth saving from itself. In a film that destined to seamlessly create an entire universe of vaguely related movies, Ed Sheeran, Morgan Freeman, and Jennifer Lawrence star in…
Scrabble v Words With Friends: The Movie: Board of Justice
My Fangirl Life Review: 2 emojis out of 10. I was confused about why Banagrams, Boggle, and Upwords were in the movie? It made no damn sense.
Movie #3
The Pitch: In a world ruled by angry birds, one man (I mean bird) must overcome his fear of having no control over his path and overcome an infinite number of visually simple obstacles to find out who is responsible for the madness in the world. Vincent Damphousse will follow a conspiracy that goes all the way to the President in a movie that seamlessly blends Flight with Network. Maximillian Alberto “Max” George, Morgan Freeman, and Kaya Scodelario star in…
Flappy Bird: The Movie
My Fangirl Life Review: 8 emojis out of 10. At first this movie was really frustrating and I didn’t like it, but then I figured out the trick and it was fine.
Movie #4
The Pitch: In a world where all memories are lost 3-10 seconds after they’re created, one man must fight to learn about his true identity by violating society’s one taboo: remembering the past. The only way to do this is to follow an intricate string of clues and travel to the depths of a secret archive located in a forbidden cloud. Nathan West must confront his fears, and the President, in a film that seamlessly blends The Bourne Identity with Dazed and Confused. Harry Styles, Morgan Freeman, and Shailene Woodley star in…
Snapchat: The Movie
My Fangirl Life Review: 3 emojis out of 10. The movie started out well, but then I blacked out after seven seconds.
Movie #5
The Pitch: In a world inhabited by pictures, one man (I mean picture) must try to overcome the native “acronym language” and communicate effectively with multiple people at the same time using full sentences and proper grammar. To do this he must convince society that the pictures are not, in fact, worth a thousand words. Cooper Hawkes must convince the President that a thousand words are actually a thousand words and a cheap metaphor for physical beauty is just a really lazy way of describing an event or location. In a film that seamlessly blends The King’s Speech and Clueless, Calum Hood, Morgan Freeman, and Kristen Stewart star in…
Emoji: The Movie
My Fangirl Life Review: 14 emojis out of 10. This movie was so good I don’t even know how to describe it.
So there you have it, an entire summer of made up (app) movies for you to look forward to. And look forward to Angry Birds: The Movie hitting theatres on… who cares. I can’t even be bothered to look this one up.
Johnny Rico
