Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor / Bachelorette / Bachelor In Paradise (or whatever the newest spin-off happens to be) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? It’s a theory that there are 5 ways in which people express & like to receive love. The tricky thing is that you tend to show love in the ways that you like to get love, which isn’t necessarily the way your partner (or loved ones in general) want to receive love. Hence the reason it’s important to know your Love Languages & those of the people you love. On this season of The Bachelor JoJo made a comment that made me think about how difficult it would be to comply with all of the Love Languages on this series. To see how you’d fare on the show take the quiz at 5lovelanguages.com to see which of the 5 languages are important to you.
Words of Affirmation
This is the language that JoJo brought up in regards to her relationship with Bachelor Ben last season. She literally used the term “Words of Affirmation”; she must know her love languages. But what are Words of Affirmation? These are the things you say – the ‘I love you’s, the sweet nothings, the compliments. Sure the Bachelor(ette) can’t say ‘I Love You’ back (not that the rule stopped Bachelor Ben from saying it to two women) but words of affirmation are abound on these shows. The contestants are constantly told how beautiful they are. They are told how smart and kind and vulnerable they are. And the Bachelor(ette) is showered with praise centring around “I’m so glad it’s you”s and “you’re my dream come trues”s.
Acts of Service
Acts of Service include the little things someone does for the person they love. It’s not buying presents or saying kind things, but the small acts that are performed unasked & unprompted. It’s going home and realizing the dishes have already been done! It’s also going on a special date – perhaps getting this week’s one-on-one. It’s being pulled aside first at the cocktail party or going to a special, secluded, rooftop spot where you can make out. If you pretend the Producers don’t make all of the plans and that everything comes from the brain of the Bachelor(ette) then Acts of Service are constantly being dished out.
I think the definition of Receiving Gifts is pretty clear, but it’s important to clarify that these don’t have to be diamond ring/new car level gifts. Small things count too! The Bachelor(ette) is pretty low in its Gifts score. Maybe one girl a season will get a dress or necklace on something which they’ll get to keep after a princess-style date. And the occasional Bachelor will create a small present to show a woman he cares, like Ben and his hair clips for Amanda’s kids or the photo he had printed of him & Lauren. But most Bachelors aren’t Ben and you will rarely experience the Receiving Gifts love language on these shows. Unless you count a rose each week…
Quality Time is one-on-one time spent together. It is dates and activities, but also sitting around in comfortable silence… and it’s a complicated language on The Bachelor. Quality Time is a commodity that you judge your relationship by, your connection with the Bachelor(ette), even if you this isn’t one of your highest rated love languages. One-on-one date. One-on-one time during a group date. Being the first to talk to your Prince Charming/Perfect Princess during a cocktail party.
Physical Touch is, again, exactly what you would expect. It is make out sessions, hugs, and high fives. It’s a pat on the back, a hand on your elbow, or a kiss on the top of a head. And physical touch is another of the love languages that is in no shortage on The Bachelor. I wasn’t even phased by how many women Bachelor Ben made out with this season. And yet, at the same time, a contestant spends a lot of time away from their Bachelor(ette). Group Dates are spent with 5 other suitors between you. You need to be good with short bursts of physical contact, then long dry spells.
I personally have quite a high rating for Words of Affirmation & Acts of Service, followed by Quality Time, while my Receiving Gifts score is very low and my Physical Touch rating is almost non-existent (I don’t like to be touched…). So maybe I’d be alright with the whole Bachelor scenario?
Until next week (because Tuesday Walk of Shame will keep going strong until the next episode)…
Love & Luck,
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