Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor / Bachelorette / Bachelor In Paradise (or whatever the newest spin-off happens to be) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Another dramatic week for Bachelor Ben & his ladies. He took them home, showed (some of) them where he grew up, and gave us all a taste of just how All-American he really is. He also put us through another one of the most awkward Group Dates to ever take place… but before we get into that, let’s look at this episode’s Top 5 highs & lows:
1. ?￢ﾁﾉ️? The women use the term “validation” an unnatural amount this season. It’s new but possibly important. Do we need to add this development in vernacular to the Bachelor lexicon? It will end up somewhere between “Right Reasons” and “Villains Gotta Vill”. And more importantly, do we need to do a Fangirl Glossary: Bachelor Edition?
2. ?￢ﾝﾤ️⚔ Becca doesn’t want to “feel this way” with someone she’s “trying to fall in love with”. Well sweetheart, perhaps that’s why you went home: because you are “trying” to fall in love. Everything about this show is manipulating your feelings to make you love him; you shouldn’t have to try so hard. Your competitors are, in contrast, trying to put up walls to slow down how fast they’re falling.
3. ?￢ﾝﾌ? JoJo is “more Team Ben than I’ve ever been”. Me too JoJo, which is killing me inside. Usually I hate the Bachelor by this point, and that’s how I liked it. Admittedly, I’m more Team Bachelor than I’ve ever been before, which makes me feel horribly ashamed.
4. ?ﾟﾑﾸ?ﾟﾌﾴ Ben’s mother literally cried at the thought of Emily being her daughter-in-law… and not in a good way. I think this is a first. Two thoughts on that: (1) any girl who wants to marry Ben better stay on Momma Higgins’ good side and (2) how much money would you bet that Emily (& Haley) will be in Paradise this summer?
5. ❓?ﾟﾏﾼ❓ We’re far enough into this season of The Bachelor to start the discussion of the next Bachelorette, right? Who will is be? My money is on Lauren B or JoJo… which ever one of them doesn’t end up winning. As long as it isn’t Amanda (too much vanilla!). Although My Fangirl Life is still campaigning for #AshleyIforBachelorette.
Here’s where we sit at the end of Week 7 with Bachelor Ben:
Is it just me or have things become unusually awkward in “Contestant Mansion” lately? I realize that the women have been “freed” from the house arrest and are now into the portion of the show where they travel about, being sequestered in new & exotic locations, but I am using the term “Contestant Mansion” to refer to whatever house/hotel/suite/etc. the women are currently being locked away in. I’ve watched more seasons of The Bachelor & The Bachelorette than I would care to admit and I don’t remember it ever being this tense between the Final 6. Yes, they still chat and act as if they are supportive but there’s not the usual carefree gaiety we have come to expect from the desperate airheads who compete on this show.
Take the conversation we saw between Lauren & Amanda the morning after Amanda’s magical McDonalds-filled date. Lauren asked what the mother-of-two and Bachelor Ben got up to, wanting to hear the romantic details. But you could hear the edge in her voice. She was acting nice but inside was judging Amanda’s connection versus her own… and not in the normal over-analyze-everything-that-happens-because-we-have-literally-nothing-else-to-do sort of way. These are genuinely good people who try not to attack or confront or hurt each other, yet they are too aware of the competitive aspect of this show.
And this has lead to the weirdest Group Dates to have aired in any season I can remember. I don’t mean weird like when Farmer Chris has the ladies in bikinis riding tractors downtown or when the last Bachelorette, Kaitlyn, dressed her suitors up in sumo wrestler diaper thongs. I mean awkward, quiet, just-not-gelling weird. The women are all hyper aware of each other and of Ben. They know exactly who he is with for exactly how long, including when it’s their turn for alone time. It makes comparisons glaringly obvious, and then everyone even more awkward as a result.
Although the Bahamas pig date was pretty bad, this week might take the cake when it comes to uncomfortable viewing. As if the 3-on-1 portion wasn’t bad enough, but the break-off into a 1-on-1 was downright disastrous. First of all, I don’t understand the logic of deciding you are sure you want a girl to stay and then spending your limited decision time with her. You already know you like her and you gave her the rose to ensure you’ll have bonding time the next week. Shouldn’t the Bachelor then spend the rest of the time deciding which of the women he’s unsure about is actually a keeper and which can hit the road? But even if you do hold fast to the standard Bachelor reward system of rose = time, could Ben have been any less sensitive to the feels of the dumpees when leaving with Amanda? It was so very blunt (and so very un-Ben-like). Perhaps he was just feeding off the toxic energy created by the Group Date experience?
What do you think? Is this season different or am I just looking at the past through rose-colored glasses? Let me know in the comments. In my opinion the best group date idea would have been for Ben to just take them all to his favorite dive bar… because who doesn’t love a good dive bar? And who doesn’t loosen up when liquor’s involved?
Until next episode…
Love & Luck,
My Fangirl Life’s Official Bachelor Contestant Ranking:
Notes: (1) I really like Emily, so much more than I ever imagined I would, but this was her time to go. The poor sweetheart needs another 2-5 years before she’s ready for this, which was drilled right in with the way she was edited this week. ?ﾟﾏﾼ (2) I liked Becca last season. She was boring, but good boring… this year she turned into kind of a blank canvas bore… and being a blank canvas is far worse than being Vanilla (a la Ben Higgins). ?ﾟﾘﾴ?