Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Just because the 19th season of The Bachelor is over it doesn’t mean I have to stop my weekly Bachelor-themed posts! That’s right I am going to continue walk of shame-ing right up to the May 18th premiere of The Bachelorette. And what am I discussing on this off-season edition of what might be the snarkiest Bachelor Nation blog on the internet? The upcoming season of the Bachelorette, of course.
I’m not one to judge and pick sides (yeah right!) so I am going to give you my unbiased opinion on the upcoming showdown of Britt Nilsson versus Kaitlyn Bristowe with:
11 Times Kaitlyn will be better than Britt
(one fictional scenario for each episode of the upcoming Season 11 of The Bachelorette)
Time #1: When Kaitlyn actually talks to the guys as they exit the limos. Sure she’ll be making off-hand comments about sex, but it’ll weed out the lame-os and identify the good-natured, fun guys. And it will be much better than extensive eye contact and “awkwardly long and overly intense hugs” (that’s a direct quote of myself from TWoS: Farmer Chris Meets Crazy Eyes).
Time #2: When Kaitlyn doesn’t gloss over that she can’t remember who they guys are, while Britt “affectionately” calls them something like Sweetie. Wouldn’t it be awesome to see a Bachelorette actually institute the Name Tag Rule… if anyone would it would be Kaitlyn.
Time #3: When Kaitlyn invites Jimmy Kimmel back because she found him so gosh-darn funny… while Britt passive-aggressively tries to act like his presence doesn’t bother her. Seriously, can’t you see this being their reactions?
Time #4: When Kaitlyn asks real question that will help her develop mature, healthy relationships (or as healthy & mature as they can be while being manufactured by a television show). Remember that time she asked Chris “how he likes to be loved”? She was focusing on his Love Language. Meanwhile Britt will be desperately making out with all the guys because she obviously mistakes physical chemistry for a real connection.
Time #5: When Britt makes out with men in front of the other contestants and Kaitlyn doesn’t. Enough said.
Time #6: When Kaitlyn treats the guys with respect (again, as much as she can be while being on a manipulative television show) and Britt pulls men off for multiple-hour long excursions in the middle of group dates. In Britt’s defence Chris made this seem acceptable to her, but she should have realized how rude it was when he did it.
Time #7: When Kaitlyn spends her time with each contestant making it about him & them… and no one else. We all know Britt will have to be talking about everyone else, because she is not secure enough to trust in a real connection. Kaitlyn, on the other hand, had a magical way of making her time with Chris seem almost removed from the show. Her Bachelors will appreciate that.
Time #8: When Britt melts down as soon as a guy isn’t acting 100% completely interested in everything she has to say… even when he’s deviating his attention because it’s the first time he’s got to see his family in months. Through this Kaitlyn will continue to be the coolest chick in town, that all the men want to have a beer with before taking her home with him.
Time #9: When Kaitlyn isn’t coy or secretive and straight-up asks each man if they’ll sleep with her on overnights… “because we deserve this“. Hilarious.
Time #10: When Kaitlyn takes no one’s crap on the Men Tell All Episode. Because she is confident and strong. Meanwhile Britt is a weepy mess in the corner because someone looked at her wrong and ‘ruined everything’. Ugh. Don’t deny it… you know this is how it would go.
Time #11: When Kaitlyn finds real love that lasts (at least as long as any other Bachelor romance) because she was herself and found someone who loves that person. And Britt’s romance crashes and burns 2 months in because off-camera she stopped being the fake character she’s created for TV and her fiancé realizes he doesn’t know her at all.
What do you think? Are you #TeamKaitlyn or #TeamBritt? Let me know in the comments!
Love & Luck,