My Fangirl Life Game of Thrones Cosplay: Edmonton Expo 2015 was last modified: April 10th, 2016 by Kris Padget
Today is the day! It is Day 7 of Game of Thrones Week here on My Fangirl Life. Which means Season 5 of Game of Thrones is finally here! And how am I going to celebrate? By dreaming up the ultimate Game of Thrones boy band…obviously. Is there a better way to spend time thinking of dreamy men? Yes, thinking of them together in a non-threatening, adorably cute band!
For the sake of creating the ULTIMATE group this boy band exists in an ideal version of Westeros, where events like the Red Wedding never happened…and where there is a market for pop music created by gangs of teenage boys. No one dies…except maybe fans from their overwhelming feels when see the band.
Game of Thrones Disclaimer: I’m going to try not to be spoiler-y. But at this point I think Season 4/Book 3 are free game for discussion on the Internet (with a warning…don’t worry I’m following my own spoiler guidelines). So if you are not yet done that book/season proceed with caution. You’ve been warned.
Loras Tyrell – The Cute One
I feel like when the phrase “Westeros Boy Band” is uttered (because I am sure it is uttered soooo often) the first person that pops into anyone’s mind is Sir Loras Tyrell. He looks like he’s already in a boy band. The mop of curly blonde hair screams Justin Timberlake circa N’SYNC and his cheeks are Niall-Horan-level pinchable. Not to mention his title of ‘Knight of Flowers’. That is catnip for teenage girls!
Robb Stark – The Front Man
Robb would be the unofficial lead singer of the band. He would be noble and sincere in his belief that each member is equal but any real fan would realize Robb has the most solos. He’s also usually in the middle in all of the pictures. And he’s on the cover of all of the tabloids. In other words, Robb Stark would be Harry Styles.
Jon Snow – The Sensitive One
Poor Jon Snow may know nothing but he feels a lot. Why else would he always look so sad? I imagine Jon would be the main songwriter in the group. His soulful tunes about freezing his ass off on the Wall would have any maiden in tears.
There’s also a possibility Robb & Jon would be referred to as “Oh those are two different people?” Because sometimes it’s hard to tell boy band members apart…or remember that they are even part of the band. For weeks Liam was “the one I don’t think is actually part of One Direction.”
Gentry – The Hunky Athletic One
Years of working as a blacksmith’s apprentice has made Gentry’s body muscular and hard. He may not be as skilled with a lance as Sir Loras, but give him a hammer and he’ll make good work of a piece of steel. I somehow doubt the King Robert’s bastard can sing but that wouldn’t be important. His real job would be to stand shirtless in all promotional material and appeal to the ‘unwashed masses.’ Diversity is key and Gentry hits to ‘peasant’ category. (Also covered are nobleman, knight, bastard and eunuch).
Grey Worm – The Brooding One
Any boy band needs a quiet member. One who stays out of the spotlight, except when on stage. That would be Grey Worm. His stoic nature may seem like it would be unappealing to the masses, but I see the tweens of Westeros eating it up. “He’s so mysterious.” But maybe the band’s management should keep the castration under-wraps. Tragic back stories can be very endearing, but this one is bound to kill much of his sexy-appeal. (But then again, fangirls are into some weird stuff…just delve into the world of fan fiction…)
– Ramsay Snow/Bolton: However he take the term “Bad Boy” to a new extreme
– Theon Greyjoy: Cut on account of being an epic douche
– Lancel Lannister: Cut on account of being an epic weeny
– Bran Stark, Rickon Stark, Robin Arryn & Tommen Baratheon (although he’s been recast as older in the show): Too Young…perhaps they could start the next generation of boy band?
– Oberyn Martell & Daario Naharis: Sexy as all hell but too old for a boy band. They could start a hot man band.
– Trystane Martell: Images for Game of Thrones Season 5 show a boy band worthy hottie, but seeing as he has yet to be in an aired episode he’s going to have to wait off on joining the band. Perhaps he can be replacement for whoever inevitably quits (like Zayn).
There’s the band. They’d be quite a success, don’t you think? But why stop there? Let’s do a few more…
Sansa Stark – Head of the Fan Club
Sansa is a fangirl. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. She loves kingdom gossip and tales a valor. She marvels at seeing champions in real life and pleads to hear songs about possibly-fictional heroes. Instead of fantasies of a gallant knight handing her a rose at the end of a great tournament or a fearless warrior wearing her favor into battle, Sansa would be day dreaming of a hunky pop star pointing straight at her mid-concert…maybe even during her favorite song!
Joffrey Baratheon – The Pop Star Frenemy
Did you think I forgot about everyone’s ‘favorite’ boy king? Don’t worry, just because he is gone doesn’t mean the little monster is forgotten. But let’s be serious, there is no way King Joffrey is sharing the spotlight with 4 ‘teammates.’ Think of Joffrey as the Justin Bieber to the Westeros Boy Band’s One Direction. Sometimes they hang out but it’s really just an attempt to size each other up. It the end it’s a battle on the singles charts & social media…and the battlefield.
Cersi Lannister – Joffrey’s Mom-ager
Joffrey is having no success without his mother. Cersi will run his career, much as she ran his kingdom…wholly while letting him think he’s actually in charge. And if she has to roll over a few people to get her son to the top, well that just makes the ‘Game of Microphones’ all the more fun. She may be a crazy control freak but maybe if Cersi was Bieber’s mother he would have a few less mug shots.
Margaery Tyrell & Her Cousins – The Girl Group the Boy Band Tours With
And that would be the name of the group….Margaery & the Girls. Or Margaery & the Cousins. Or something properly signifying how much for important their leading lady would be. Unless little Lady Flowers is as much of a team player as she tries to appear. She could be like Adam Levine in Maroon 5: just one of the band, except the only member anyone remembers.
Who else should be in the band? Let me know in the comments!
Love & Luck,
I read Game of Thrones for the first time over Christmas (as you probably know if you follow this blog because I included it in my posts obsessively for awhile afterwards). If you’ve read Game of Thrones too, you probably know that the series is full of a whole bunch of douches. Seriously, I don’t know how there can be THAT many in one book series. Maybe George R. R. Martin just really likes total jerks. I was overcome with the constant unfairness of it all and now feel inspired to write this post on the Top Douches of Game of Thrones.
I feel a little like I should preface this list by saying that though I am watching the show, I am only at the beginning of the second season, so all of these rankings are based on my opinions on the characters in the books.
Please note: There may be spoilers for all 5 books ahead. According to the My Fangirl Life spoiler rules laid out by Kris, Game of Thrones is sacred so I want you to be aware.
10. Theon Greyjoy
There was a point that Theon would have been much (and I mean much) higher on this list for me, but at this point, I just feel bad for him. He was basically stolen away by the Starks as a child to guarantee his father’s good behaviour (look at it from his perspective). Yes, he was raised alongside Ned and Catelyn’s own sons, so I definitely agree that what he did to Winterfell was treacherous and stupid, but look where he has ended up. His father basically disinherited him, which brought about the whole Winterfell thing. But that ended horribly, with all his men killed, and with himself maimed and broken, inside and out. I kind of think that death would have been a kinder fate for Theon Turncloak.
9. Tywin Lannister
Tywin is scary, calculating, powerful and most definitely intimidating, but the one thing that I will never ever forgive Tywin for is disinheriting and basically disowning Tyrion. I understand that he has been devastated about his wife’s death for Tyrion’s whole life, but that is no excuse for treating a son that way. That being said, Tywin isn’t higher on this list because I do think he acts reasonably most of the time, given that I disagree with the side of the war he is on.
8. Cersei Lannister
Cersei is a pretty big douche most of the time. She thinks she’s in control of it all, but really she is always being controlled (joke’s on you, Cersei!). She sees what is happening to Sansa and never stops it, and she lets her child get away with being an EVEN BIGGER douche than she is. That is the real crime here.
7. Janos Slynt
I will never forgive Slynt for betraying Ned Stark with the gold cloaks, and I’m just glad that Jon Snow was able to pay him back in the end (though, of course, this in itself was not without some challenges on Jon’s side). Slynt ranks as douchier than Cersei and Tywin because he is loyal to no one, and you can never take him at his word.
6. Walder Frey
Basically the betrayal of the Starks on top of the denial of guest right during Red Wedding is enough to land Lord Frey on this list. The fact that Robb ended up dead because of it is why he’s not merely number 10.
5. Roose Bolton
Roose is just plain cruel. Greatly cruel, in fact. He’s also greatly creepy, what with his leechings and flayings and first night traditions. And most of all, he is the person that physically kills Robb Stark, who is his liege lord, might I add. You’d think that Roose would be the epitome of douche, but apparently there are still people in this series that are worse than him.
4. Gregor Clegane
Gregor is specifically known for his violence and cruelty. He’s basically known as a murderer and rapist in a society full of murderers and rapists. He is accused of so many things throughout the course of this series, from causing the facial burn scars to his own younger brother, to killing his own family, to raping and killing poor little Rhaenys and Princess Elia, to seriously so much more than I can even list. Hard to believe he is only number 4 on this list.
3. Ramsay Bolton
The Bastard of Bolton is most definitely, indeed, a jerk. He is savage and wild and loves to torture anyone he can. He is abusive, sadistic, and depraved – an even bigger douche than his father, Roose. He doesn’t hesitate to kill, doesn’t hesitate to rape, doesn’t hesitate to betray, and doesn’t hesitate to flay. He’s not only a huge douche, he’s also totally not afraid to show it.
2. Joffrey Baratheon
I know, I know – most of you probably think that Joffrey should be the top, number one douche in this series. I agree that he is completely horrible. I agree that he started the whole stupid war by making the rash (and again can I say stupid) decision to cut of Ned Stark’s head. He didn’t listen to his mother. He didn’t listen to Sansa. He didn’t listen to any of his advisors. He just sent the kingdom into a state of war because he is not very intelligent. Though he is a total douche, the fact that he is stupid makes him slightly less scary.
1. Viserys Targaryen
Viserys, in my mind, is the number one jerk in the series. I mean, I know he wasn’t around for long. But think of all the concentrated douchiness in that short span of time. Now extrapolate that to him being around any longer than he was. The Beggar King was delusional and abusive towards his sister (and others) – in the short time he was around, I grew extremely tired of all his talk about “waking the dragon”. He was mad and would have made an absolutely horrible ruler. Worse than Joffrey? We will never know, but I certainly think so.
Who are your top Game of Thrones douches? There are so many of them it is hard to decide who is the worst..