My Fangirl Life 2015 Blog Awards was last modified: December 27th, 2015 by Kris Padget
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Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential. Read on for this week’s rant…
Oh good, two of the three ladies here at My Fangirl Life have decided to chime in (here and here) about the vexing issue that is “What Hogwarts House Are You?”, and between the two of them they’ve managed to post a non-answer and two made up answers. Good work ladies, you’ve taken a hypothetical question and made the whole thing more absurd.
I don’t want to veer too far off into theoretical territory here, but Harry Potter, and his world, isn’t real. I know this is all very muggle (Muggle?) of me, but no one is actually “in” a Hogwarts House. No one. This is why responding to the above hypothetical question with “I live in Beauxbatons” or “I’m a Ravenpuff and you’re a Gryffinpuff – lols” betrays the whole point of the hypothetical. You’re not in Beauxbatons. You’re not a Ravenpuff and she’s not a Gryffinpuff. Those are simply not available options to the hypothetical question posed. Now, if the question is, “What school in the Harry Potter world would you go to”? Sure, pick Beauxbatons. Fair answer (Full disclosure: I’m totally a Durmstrang, but only because I’m a secret fascist sympathizer). If the question is, “What combination of school best suits you?”, by all means, be a Huffledor. But those are not the questions. The question is: WHAT HOGWARTS HOUSE ARE YOU? You have four options, and only four options. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, and Gryffindor. Pick the one that best suits you and stand behind your decision.
Try it, it’s easy. I have an ironic Applejack at work because I’m ironically an Applejack, despite having a dollop of Dash and a sprinkle of Sparkle (admittedly I’d be more of a Twilight Darkle than Sparkle, but whatever – not the point) in me. If we’re playing the One Direction game, I’m clearly Harry. I’m obviously in the Erudite faction. I’m a fan of wrestling heels despite being a sucker for underperforming faces and I’ll never not be identified with Cooper Hawkes from Space: Above and Beyond – one of the spiritual grandfathers, along with Babylon 5, that directly led to Firefly and Battlestar Galactic existing in the form we all know and love. I’m on Team Kirk and Team Edward despite thinking The Original Series was wildly overrated and never spending a single second watching or reading Twilight.
Hypothetical questions of this nature have no wrong answers, assuming you’re answering the question as posed. By picking an absurd answer to an asinine question you’re violating the spirit of the ruling and only showing that your mind cannot be trusted to make even the most unprincipled of stands… Which is the most Hufflepuff trait of them all.
Would you like to know more?
Jonathon A. Rico, Proud Slytherin – death to the lesser tribes.
Today we celebrate Queen Elizabeth II becoming Britain’s longest ruling monarch. That’s right… as of today she has ruled for 63 years, 7 months and 2 days, edging out Queen Victoria. That equals a total of 23,226 days! This is all made even more impressive by the fact that she was never even meant to be Queen, but I’ll save that story for another post.
England and Britain have been ruled by a collection of impressive rulers in the past thousand years. Queen Elizabeth II is the nation’s 40th monarch since William the Conqueror in 1066, but only six of those rulers have been women. So few, and yet at least three of them frequently make people’s lists of the Greatest British Monarchs and just last week one of them was voted as the Best Monarch in History.
A few months back I wrote a post celebrating King Henry VIII where I described each of his six wives in terms fanboys & fangirl’s could understand. Today, to celebrate both Queen Elizabeth II and being a strong independent woman, let’s take a look at: A Fangirl’s Guide to Queen Elizabeth II and the other British Queens.
I have taken the liberty of sorting each Queen into their Hogwarts House, Game of Thrones Family, and Divergent Faction.
**If I felt like getting super in-depth, Lady Jane Grey (9 days in 1553) and Matilda, Lady of the English (208 days in 1141) could be included in this list. However, neither was officially declared Queen and I know very little about them, so they will be skipped.
Mary was the daughter of Catherine of Aragon and King Henry VIII. This poor girl was destined for a life of hardship from the start. For years her dad essentially pretended she didn’t exist (creating a healthy dosage of daddy issues). Her rule was tumultuous to say the least. She forced religion and foreign power on her subjects. Many see her as murderous and fearsome (she is remembered today as ‘Bloody Mary’) but instead I think Mary was stubborn, foolish and dealt a series of misfortunes. She tried to change too many opinions and beliefs too fast. She couldn’t understand the point of view of others and was rather misguided. I also think she may not have been completely mentally/emotionally balanced.
Mary was a Gryffindor, but not a heroic one. She was stubborn and reckless, and seemingly brave to the point of stupidity. I think she was a little lost. I don’t feel she fits into a Divergent faction, instead I think she was one of those enforcing the faction system outside the fence. She was determined to have things done a certain way and didn’t want things to change. Relating to Game of Thrones and playing on her ‘Bloody Mary’ title and probable mental instability, I think Mary can be compared to the ‘Mad King’ Aerys II Targaryen.
Queen Elizabeth I was the daughter of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII. Elizabeth ruled for over 40 years and provided the stability the country greatly needed after her half-sister, Mary I’s rule. This period is known as the great Elizabethan age. As a ruler Elizabeth was a strong diplomat and devoted to her country. She was passionate and ambitious with sharp wits and a clever mind. After seeing the rise and fall of her father’s numerous royal marriages, Elizabeth did not want to share her power and instead dedicated herself to her country. She has become known as the Virgin Queen (but the question of her actual virginity is still debated).
Elizabeth was a strong and bold Gryffindor, a good Gryffindor. The Abnegation are the rulers of the Divergent world. I think a good Queen like Elizabeth would fit perfectly in this faction. She cared about her country and subjects and devoted herself to doing her job well. Sticking with the Targaryen family, I’m going to compare Elizabeth I to Rhaegar. Rhaegar never ascended to the throne, so he was denied a chance to successfully reign like Elizabeth did, but many believe Rhaegar could have been the great ruler Westeros needed, if only he’d been given the chance.
Queen Mary II ruled as a joint monarch with her husband King William III. When they were both in England, William wielded most of the power however, Mary showed herself to be a powerful, loyal and effective ruler when he was away engage in military campaigns (which was quite often in later years). Mary was extremely pious and charitable. She was modest and many say her greatest virtue was her unwavering loyalty to William. Near the end of her life however, a fallout with her sister diminished her popularity.
I think Mary II was a perfect Hufflepuff, she was virtuous and loyal. She was outgoing and generally liked by the people. Mary funded schools and hospitals and developed the gardens at Hampton Court Palace. Mary was an Amity. I’m going to draw a comparison between Mary II and Mace Tyrell. Mace is in a position of high power, being the head of the Tyrell family, but is often overshadowed and never executes anything as well as his mother Olenna. Mary and William were joint rulers, but Mary was often overshadowed and never used her power unless William was away.
Following the deaths of William and Mary, Mary’s sister Anne took the throne. Anne was shy and stubborn and quite different from her outgoing sister. She attended more cabinet meetings than any of her predecessors or successors and her reign is remembered today as one of stability and prosperity. Anne is largely remembered for being pregnant at least 17 times throughout her life and having only one child live past infancy, though he passed away when he was 11 (she’s also remembered for being really fat, but that’s mean).
Anne was a Ravenclaw. Unlike Mary II before her, Anne wanted to be involved in politics. She was smart and assertive and while sometimes influenced by her friends, her rule is remembered as one of success. She would also be an Erudite. She was smart, political and determined to rule. A lot of these traits point towards the Tyrell House. She was strategic, stuck to her principles and was able to get what she wanted (except for a healthy child) as a result.
Queen Victoria was never meant to be Queen, but (after today) is Britain’s second longest reigning monarch. Victoria’s reign has become known as the Victorian era; an era associated with Britain’s greatest age of industrial expansion, economic progress and expanded worldwide empire. Victoria was warmhearted and lively in her younger years. But after the death of her husband, Victoria fell into an expanded period of mourning. For 20 years she was rarely seen and she wore nothing but black for the rest of her reign (just a little extreme?).
I chose to make Victoria a Hufflepuff, though there is a case where she could be classified as a Gryffindor (perhaps a Gryffinpuff like KG?). Victoria was fiercely independent and when faced with dwindling direct political control, she worked to strengthen the monarchy. She was passionate and loyal to her country but was also exceptionally strong willed. Again, in being an excellent ruler, Victoria fits directly into the Abnegation faction. I chose to draw a comparison between Victoria and Olenna Tyrell. Olenna is known for her wits, being strong willed and fiercely loyal to her family and for getting things done. These are all traits I feel Queen Victoria also possessed. In fact, she was so committed and loyal to her family that she was able to put all nine of her children into successful marriages throughout Europe’s royal families!
Elizabeth became Queen in 1952. The Britain at this time was a lot different than the one we see today as the country was still enduring rations and widespread hardships from WWII. Over the past 60 years this has shifted. Today Britain is culturally diverse, and women are often successful in the work force. Elizabeth’s main success can be seen in granting independence to former British colonies in Africa and the Carribbean. This smooth transition has resulted in over 40 new nations, many of which have chosen to remain in the British Commonwealth. Throughout her reign Elizabeth has been willing to adapt and meet the needs of an ever changing society. She has done this successfully and as a result maintained her position for over 6 decades.
Elizabeth is a perfect Hufflepuff and a perfect Abnegation. As previously mentioned, both exemplify the traits of a good Queen, especially as the role of Queen has changed over the years. Elizabeth II does not have to worry about being usurped and losing her crown. Today she can focus on charities and improving foreign relationships. The British Monarchy is experiencing an all time-high in popularity right now because of her (with some help from Will & Kate of course). In the Game of Thrones world she can be compared to Ned Stark. Ned was also everything a good ruler should be. If he didn’t have to worry about the constant threat to the King’s life behind the scenes, I think he could have lead Westeros into a new period of prosperity.
I love the Royal Family, but as much as I love the Queen and am super excited she made it to today I have to admit, I am very much ready for William to take the throne ❤️ .
Congratulations on your achievement Queen Elizabeth II, it’s well deserved.
I hope you enjoyed this look at the British Queens! Let me know what historical figures you’d like me to do next in the comments.
– Justine Alyssa
Happy Birthday Henry VIII! Today 524 years ago King Henry VIII was born. Let’s Celebrate!
Henry VIII is arguably the most famous King of England. Seriously, who hasn’t heard of the six wives of Henry VIII? My love for this Tudor monarch began when I started watching The Tudors (great show, check it out!). Henry was manipulative, commanding, and very intriguing. While he successfully ruled a nation, he wasn’t necessarily the star. In actuality, I think his wives really stole the show.
For someone who doesn’t read up on Tudor history for fun and can’t keep them all straight, here’s a handy guide for you. I’ll even describe all the people involved in terms fanboys & fangirls can understand, aka fandom terms. I present to you: A Fangirl’s Guide to Henry VIII and his 6 Wives.
Today I’m going to sort each wife and Henry himself into their Hogwarts House, Game of Thrones House, Divergent Faction and what position they’d play on a Quidditch team. Because, you know, Henry plus his six wives equals a Quidditch team!
Henry VIII was a great king… until he became fat and crazy. But at the beginning he was strong and charismatic, brave and noble. He was well educated and attractive. What more could you want in a king? For many years he was exactly what you would picture when you hear the words ‘King of England’. He’s remembered today for founding the Church of England.
All of these things point towards Gryffindor and Dauntless. In classifying him into a Game of Thrones house he’d naturally be a Baratheon, his traits parallel Robert’s too much to be ignored. In playing quidditch, Henry would be the leader of his wives and the team. He’d be the strong captain keeping things together (because rival wives would not likely always get along). I think he’d also be a beater. He was fond of jousting… it seems like there’s some anger in there he’d like to get out.
Catherine of Aragon was Henry’s first wife. He was married to her for almost 24 years. Everything was happy until Catherine failed to produce a male heir and Henry started spending more time sleeping around.
I think Catherine is a Gryffindor… a strong willed Gryffindor. She was kind and generally liked by the people of court and England during her reign. Catherine was proud and a solid rock in the Tudor court. After her marriage ended, Catherine kept things together and stayed strong for the sake of her daughter. I think these actions were rather selfless and would also place her as Abnegation. Catherine would be the keeper of a quidditch team. Her protective and motherly qualities would have helped her keep those hoops safe.
Unfortunately Catherine of Aragon might be comparable to the Stark family. For the majority of their marriage Catherine and Henry were happy. It was a solid alliance until, rather suddenly, it was all over and she was banished from court.
Next comes Anne Boleyn. Anne was not going to let herself become the latest in a long line of mistresses and made Henry break from the Catholic Church and divorce Catherine to be with her. Anne and Henry were married and all was happy for a few years. Anne had a daughter, but after a number of failed pregnancies she could no longer keep her position on top.
Anne Boleyn was smart. She was educated and well read for the time, especially for a woman. She was also a schemer and waited until she was married before finally giving in to Henry’s sexual advances. Anne manipulated herself into the position as leader of a nation. This definitely makes her a Slytherin. She knew how to get what she wanted. I think a lot of these traits would also point towards Erudite. In addition, the Boleyn family are the Lannisters of Tudor times. They were conniving and would have done anything to get Anne on the throne (but comparing Anne and Margaery is too ironic not to mention…<3 Natalie Dormer). In playing quidditch I think Anne would have joined her husband as a beater. They would have made a great team – Tudor times OTP!
Anne’s downfall came through a series of charges with unconvincing evidence for adultery, incest and high treason. By the time Anne was beheaded, Henry had already moved on to Jane Seymour. Many believe Jane is the wife that Henry loved the most (I disagree, I think it was Anne Boleyn). Jane was the one to give Henry the son he so desired.
Jane is a Hufflepuff. She was sweet and nice but rather simple and not as well educated as the rest. I also see her as Abnegation. Jane was of a lower class than Henry VIII’s other wives and I think she cared more for others than herself. She found herself next to Henry with a lot of help from her family; this is very similar to the Tyrells in Game of Thrones. Jane would have found herself as a quidditch chaser, working together as a team with two other wives and putting the good of the team ahead of any personal glory.
Unfortunately Jane died shortly after childbirth. Henry was devastated and his next marriage was an arranged one. This time, it was German princess Anne of Cleves.
After Jane, Anne was not what Henry wanted. I think Jane and Anne might have been a little too similar. Except Anne was German and could only speak German. I also think Jane was prettier… actually historical records confirm Anne of Cleves was not exactly a looker. Anne would be a Hufflepuff as well. She was sweet and everyone (except Henry) really liked her. She just wasn’t as smart and sophisticated as some of the other wives. These traits would also lend her towards being Amity. I think I imagine her more artsy and into the simple life of a lady of the court. She wasn’t stupid though and knew how to maintain her status. She looked out for herself and thrived in her life after Henry. Henry is known for calling Anne of Cleves ugly… He did not think she was attractive enough to be his queen. Unfortunately this makes me relate her to Brienne of Tarth. She would have been part of Henry’s strong team of chasers.
Anne and Henry’s marriage was the shortest, lasting only 6 months. It was annulled on the claim it was never consummated. Next came Catherine Howard, young and naïve Catherine Howard.
By the time Catherine Howard came around Henry VIII was old and unattractive. Young Catherine liked the title and the perks that came with it, but she wasn’t particularly interested in Henry. She is the only wife known to have an affair during her time as queen. Catherine is the most Hufflepuff of all the wives. She was silly and really didn’t care about anything beyond having fun. She was educated well enough for the time but far inferior to the sophistication of the other wives. Catherine is known to love dancing and I think this points towards Amity. The Howard family and the Boleyns were related and there was a lot of scheming within. The Howards would be Lannisters as well, but they’re not important enough to be members of Tywin’s family. We’re talking the Lancel to Anne Boleyn’s Jamie. Catherine had an affair with Thomas Culpeper and got away with it for quite a while. She’s little, sneaky and knew how to get what she wanted. I think this would make her a great seeker. The fact that she was rather stupid shouldn’t affect her quidditch skills, right?
Catherine Parr was Henry’s sixth and final wife. She is known for restoring balance to court and reinstating Henry’s two daughters Mary and Elizabeth back into the line of succession. After a chaotic few years, Catherine Parr brought some stability to a rocky England. By this time Henry was ill and overweight and no longer our dashing king. But Catherine didn’t care. I don’t think she was very interested in Henry, just the good of the nation.
Catherine was a Ravenclaw. She was bright and knew how things worked. She could also figure out how to make things better, which would also point towards Erudite. In Game of Thrones terms, I would related Catherine Parr to Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King who ruled when Robert not interested in doing so. On the Tudor quidditch team, Catherine Parr would be the head chaser. Still just a chaser, but the one who was instrumental in organizing the other two. That trio of ladies are straight shooters and might not get the recognition the other players received, but would get the job done.
**Queen Elizabeth I would be a Targaryen, taking the throne after years of unrest and ruling for 44 years.
I hope you enjoyed A Fangirl’s Guide to Henry VIII and his Six Wives! What historical characters should I do next? I think I could have fun with this. Let me know in the comments.
– Justine Alyssa