Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential. Read on for this week’s rant…
I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that George RR Martin has let us know that his new book, The Winds of Winter, will not be released prior to the new season of the show. For real, he even wrote us an apology on his Not A Blog website. The world is upset about this, and we need to talk about something Game of Thrones, so today I’m here to add to My Fangirl Life’s High Five series, with 5 Reasons George RR Martin Hasn’t Finished The Winds of Winter Yet. Read on!
1. Netflix and Chill
If you had a choice between writing six hundred thousand million words or changing into some comfortable pants, grabbing some leftover Christmas baking, and binge watching Making A Murderer which would you rather do? If you’re telling me you’d hunker down with a cup of whatever is in the Keurig machine in front of the laptop for another all nighter, you are flat out lying to me. Stop that. Don’t lie about Game of Thrones. It doesn’t help anyone and it just opens up the possibility of spoiling a scene for someone who is eavesdropping.
2. His Dog Ate It
Unlike the goody-goodies Kris, KG, and Justine, some of us hated school and the homework that came with it. Maybe ol’ George is starting to feel like this next book is like an essay on a subject he just doesn’t care about and he’s sick of his overbearing parents – I mean, fans and teachers – I mean, network execs and authors – hassling him all the damn time. Maybe George just wants to go hang out with his friends in a park and smoke cigarettes he stole from his grandma and drink the crappy beer his step-dad bought him?? Would that be so bad?
3. George is Troll
This is George’s World and you’re just living in it. What are the chance George is just messing with us now? How awesome would it be if all the books are done being written (or dictated to an assistant) and he’s just waiting for the TV show to conclude before saying, “Nope. They got it all wrong. Here’s what really happened…”? Remember when Star Trek was rebooted and everyone loved it? How much fun would Trekkies and Trekkers have arguing about which version of events was real if The Original Series and the reboot were released at the same time? Game of Thrones could have two divergent universes going on at the same time. Really, this is the best case scenario for all of us.
4. Writing is Hard
It turns out writing a fifth book about 700 characters and 4,700 interconnected story lines is hard. Like, really hard. Try sketching out a storyboard of an interesting story arc that involves you going to the corner store, then multiply that by several million times and you’ll get close to understanding how difficult this book must be. Then multiply that by millions of fans (like me!) constantly complaining and high priced executives calling him every 27 seconds asking, “Is it done yet? How about now? Now? George? Is it done? George, answer me? How’s the book going? Why aren’t you talking to me George? Stop ignoring my calls George! I’m coming over to see you George. I know you’re in there George. ANSWER THE DOOR GEORGE.”
5. He’s One of Us
Season 5 was really good and he just can’t wait to see what happens in Season 6. Like is Jon Snow actually <redacted> and OMG I can’t believe what Stannis did to and when is Dany going to fly Drogon over the Narrow Sea and really show those Baratheons (but really Lannisters) who is in charge. Who can concentrate when the new season is only FOUR MONTHS AWAY!!!!!!
Why do you think George isn’t done The Winds of Winter yet?