Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential. Read on for this week’s rant…
Oh good, two of the three ladies here at My Fangirl Life have decided to chime in (here and here) about the vexing issue that is “What Hogwarts House Are You?”, and between the two of them they’ve managed to post a non-answer and two made up answers. Good work ladies, you’ve taken a hypothetical question and made the whole thing more absurd.
I don’t want to veer too far off into theoretical territory here, but Harry Potter, and his world, isn’t real. I know this is all very muggle (Muggle?) of me, but no one is actually “in” a Hogwarts House. No one. This is why responding to the above hypothetical question with “I live in Beauxbatons” or “I’m a Ravenpuff and you’re a Gryffinpuff – lols” betrays the whole point of the hypothetical. You’re not in Beauxbatons. You’re not a Ravenpuff and she’s not a Gryffinpuff. Those are simply not available options to the hypothetical question posed. Now, if the question is, “What school in the Harry Potter world would you go to”? Sure, pick Beauxbatons. Fair answer (Full disclosure: I’m totally a Durmstrang, but only because I’m a secret fascist sympathizer). If the question is, “What combination of school best suits you?”, by all means, be a Huffledor. But those are not the questions. The question is: WHAT HOGWARTS HOUSE ARE YOU? You have four options, and only four options. Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, and Gryffindor. Pick the one that best suits you and stand behind your decision.
Try it, it’s easy. I have an ironic Applejack at work because I’m ironically an Applejack, despite having a dollop of Dash and a sprinkle of Sparkle (admittedly I’d be more of a Twilight Darkle than Sparkle, but whatever – not the point) in me. If we’re playing the One Direction game, I’m clearly Harry. I’m obviously in the Erudite faction. I’m a fan of wrestling heels despite being a sucker for underperforming faces and I’ll never not be identified with Cooper Hawkes from Space: Above and Beyond – one of the spiritual grandfathers, along with Babylon 5, that directly led to Firefly and Battlestar Galactic existing in the form we all know and love. I’m on Team Kirk and Team Edward despite thinking The Original Series was wildly overrated and never spending a single second watching or reading Twilight.
Hypothetical questions of this nature have no wrong answers, assuming you’re answering the question as posed. By picking an absurd answer to an asinine question you’re violating the spirit of the ruling and only showing that your mind cannot be trusted to make even the most unprincipled of stands… Which is the most Hufflepuff trait of them all.
Would you like to know more?
Jonathon A. Rico, Proud Slytherin – death to the lesser tribes.