Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor / Bachelorette / Bachelor In Paradise (or whatever the newest spin-off happens to be) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Is anyone else suffering from a drama hangover today? After this week’s roller coaster of happiness and heartache I am feeling physically & emotionally spent. Imagine spending 6 solid weeks drinking in the sun, then suddenly having to face the harsh, sober reality of the real world…. that’s what I feel like (I can’t even imagine what it’s like for actual contestants!). And yet, despite everything this show has put me through, I find myself full of hope. Somehow the most mind-numbing, drivel-filled show on television has inspired in me a renewed faith in humanity, a glimmer of belief in love and a sense of forgiveness I never thought I was capable of. But before I dig into how Bachelor in Paradise has made me a better person, let’s take a look at my top 5 highs & lows for the week:
1. 👸💁👑 Catty Carly is my Queen.
Carly: “Why are guys still all over her?” (re: Samantha)
Jade: “She’s stunning.”
Carly: “But her personality is terrible.”
2. 😿💰😼 I love that someone finally brought up Nick’s utter betrayal on Bachelor Pad. It was bound to be Jaclyn, since she actually lived it, but I also expected resident Bachelor Expert Tanner to want to dissect strategy and personalities. But back on topic… I’m not dissing Nick for what he did; frankly I thought that was an epically bold move executed perfectly. However, I did enjoy that Jaclyn got a bit of vindication (no matter how lame that vindication was) for her “$250,000 Grudge”.
3. 🎬💏🎬 Remember when, in the middle of Jared’s speech about wanting to end things with Ashley I, it cut to a clip of the 2 “solid” couples sitting together around a cute table setting. And then Tanner kissed Jade at exactly the same time as Kirk kissed Carly. Classic Bachelor. Soooo realistic.
4. 😫💔😭 Carly + Kirk. Why did I bring them up? WHYYYYYY???? This was hard to watch, as a hardcore shipper of this couple. They seemed so perfect, until he panicked. I really think that was all that happened: he overthought the implications of transitioning to real life and spiralled out of control. He could have asked to slow things down & tried it out on normal terms… but instead he overreacted and broke the collective hearts of Bachelor Nation. The only thing that softened the blow was…
5. 👩❤️❄️ Janner. There is nothing better than when your OTP ends up living happily ever after.
Here’s where we stand after the dust has settled and everything has been kicked out of Paradise. I’ve color-coded the couples for ease of identification. Let me know in the comments who your Bachelor in Paradise OTP is!
Today’s intro probably threw you for a bit of a loop if you follow Tuesday Walk of Shame even semi-regularly. I am not exactly a hopeless romantic… or a romantic at all, for that matter. And I am never hopeful about the future of any pairing in the Bachelor family. I might be the most cynical member of Bachelor Nation. And yet, this season of Bachelor in Paradise got to me… it go to me right here (if you could see me right now you’d know I’m tapping my heart). I learned life lessons even greater than that Blackmail does not Equal Love. Here’s what Season 2 of Bachelor in Paradise gifted to me:
A Renewed Faith in Humanity
I am not just a cynic when it comes to Bachelor shows. I also have a tendency to be judgmental in real life. My most common bitch problem is feeling like everyone is stupid (Not you though Reader… you’re here reading this and therefore are super smart and have exemplary taste). I expected Bachelor in Paradise to hammer this observation in. And then people who I expected nothing from proved to have superior decision-making skills. Examples: Jaclyn choosing a guy who lives in the same city as her (planning ahead) and Mackenzie turning Mikey down at the final Rose Ceremony (not being super desperate?).
A Glimmer of Belief in Love
Like I said before: I am not a romantic. As opposed to dreaming of futures full of televised weddings and After Paradise ‘celebrity couple’ appearances, I like to make graphs about how many Bachelor relationships fail. I have zero faith in finding a real connection in less than 2 months whilst on tv. And yet I can’t help but feel like Tanner & Jade are the real deal. First of all, Bachelor in Paradise holds an advantage over The Bachelor(ette) in terms of advancing a relationship. Janner were able to concentrate on only each other since Day 1 of Paradise. There was no serial dating to interfere with developing a deeper connection. Second, I think Jade is pretty realistic, despite being a former amateur Playboy model. And finally, Tanner is a special snowflake who can do anything he sets his mind to. He is perfect and deserves to live happily ever after. But seriously, after watching him coast along in Kaitlyn’s season it’s pretty obvious that he’s not your typical desperate-for-love contestant. He even admitted on After Paradise that he was just going to Paradise for 2 weeks of free drinks on a beach, until he happened to meet the love of his life.
A Sense of Forgiveness
Before Bachelor in Paradise JJ was a villain and Ashley I was the most annoying person on the planet. Now? I love them both. JJ galloped around Paradise on a white horse being everyone’s hero and I forgave him for all of his past indiscretions. And Ashley’s neurosis overlapped with my own and left me feeling oddly attached to her. Really attached actually. This attached:
Join the #TeamAshley Revolution.
This is where I’d normally say “Until next episode”…except not this week… The Bachelor will be back in January and Tuesday Walk of Shame will be there, obviously. I was so #TeamBenH. But just because Bachelor Nation is on hiatus doesn’t mean Tuesday Walk of Shame will be! I’m going to do my best to bring you quality Bachelor-related content every week from now until our favourite guilty pleasure returns, so see you next week!
Love & Luck,