I recently came across a compelling post by a fellow Female Geek Blogger named Meaghan Sara. The post was titled Adventures in Mediocrity: If I Dated Fozzie Bear and chronicled the fate of a relationship with the beloved Muppet. Aside from being hilarious & adorable, the post really got me thinking about the type of relationships we, as regular down-to-earth fangirls, would have with our fictional boyfriends. Sure Fozzie Bear isn’t a typical nerd-crush, but in that post he represented a whole slew of fandom heartthrobs. Heartthrobs that would inevitably break your heart.
Spoiler Alert (go read Meaghan’s post now before continuing): Things would not work out well with Fozzie Bear. His stand-up career would always come before you and you would refuse to spend evening after evening in dive bars watching him perform. And would a life with any of our other favourite hunks end differently? I doubt it. Call me a cynic all you want, but even a romantic has to admit that many of the tv/movie/literary men we so desire would actually foster very unhealthy relationships. Let’s talk through a few examples:
Ugh. Could he be any more attractive? And he’s witty & charming, adventurous & resourceful, not to mention what he is bound to be like in the sack (yup, I went there). Throw in a vintage car worth lusting over and you’ve found yourself the perfect man. Right? Wrong. Can you say “Daddy Issues”? Then there’s the unhealthy relationship with his brother; talk about guilt trips! He has an emotionally scarred angel, who he is shipped with for a reason (when bromance turns romance ?). Plus he’ll never love you as much as he loves pie. And that’s all without even touching on demonic possession, his unhealthy relationship with the Lord of Hell, and the constant danger you would be in as a source for vengeance.
Boyfriend Rating: C
Relationship Rating: 6 out of 10 Feels ?ﾟﾘﾀ?ﾟﾘﾭ?ﾟﾘﾲ⚪️⚪️⚪️⚪️
Yes, the start of your relationship is very exciting. He takes you through time. He takes you through space. He shows you things you couldn’t even have imagined. But he’s constantly moving. Always bored. Never satisfied… even with you. You realize he will always be like this… forever. And how odd will the relationship be when you are old & grey and he is still looking fresh faced & young… or not. Who knows? Because his face will likely change multiple times in your relationship. Try explaining that to your family.
Boyfriend Rating: C-
Relationship Rating: 6 out of 10 Feels ?ﾟﾘﾃ?ﾟﾘﾰ?ﾟﾘﾭ⚪️⚪️⚪️⚪️
Who is your fictional crush? How’d he be as a boyfriend? Perhaps I can help you out with my own analysis! Let me know in the comments.
Love & Luck,