Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor / Bachelorette / Bachelor In Paradise (or whatever the newest spin-off happens to be) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Last night was a night of revelations and change. Bachelorette Kaitlyn is mixing things up and the show is having to respond accordingly. I may not agree with the new “We’ll just throw in a Rose Ceremony at any time… even half an hour into the episode” attitude, but I think I love Chris Harrison’s latest alteration to a dare-I-say stale Bachelor episode format: Moving Up the Overnights. Fantasy Suite, here we come! But first let’s recap the episode highs & lows:
-+- Is that Tanner on a bro-walk with Nick bashing Shawn? Wasn’t it also Tanner who was broveranalysing things with Shawn last episode, while bashing Nick? Tanner has this Bachelorette thing figured out… you know, except the having chemistry with the Bachelorette and making her fall in love with him.
+++ Speaking of Tanner, have you heard the announcement?!?! It’s been released that 2 of this week’s eliminations have been brought on board for Bachelor in Paradise: JJ & Tanner. I’m so happy Tanner, my special romantically challenged snowflake, will be back. All I want in life is for him to be the 1st person brought in to the beach-side mansion. Then, as each new contestant shows up, we will get a clip-show of their time on The Bachelor(ette) with Tanner’s real time Bachelor-expert description of the contestant as a voiceover.
+++ A 2-on-1 Date! These are my favourite. Sooooooo Awkward.
— “Joe is a real treat.” -Kaitlyn … Not exactly a romantically-promising statement from the Bachelorette.
+++ I like this new trend of abandoning 2-on-1 victims in the middle of nowhere as you jet off in your helicopter, either with the 2-on-1 victor or alone. This is something I would definitely adopt if I was the Bachelorette… but not just on 2-on-1’s. I’d do it all the time. Drop the mic. Hop on your helicopter. Kris Out.
??? Do all of the Top 7 usually confess their love? I thought that was normally a Top 3 (or so) thing. Apparently everyone is super invested this year?
— On that note: Shawn, you hunk of a man, why did you have to turn crazy? Oh, because you were the one who got the first impression rose. Totally called it (in the comments on TWoS: Kaitlyn vs. Britt Smackdown). On an unrelated topic… Hello Ben H.
+++ I cannot express how happy Cupcake sobbing into his scarf on an Irish clifftop made me. I don’t even feel bad about it. Say I’m a horrible person but that was the best possible television.
Despite all of the drama, tears and concerns that “things had changed” or “I’ve made a mistake”, my favourite part of this episode was when Chris Harrison told Kaitlyn that Fantasy Suites had been moved up. This is not a criticism of Kaitlyn. I defended her last week and am not setting out to slut-shame her… but Chris Harrison essentially walked up and told her that her slutting it up had thrown off the balance of the entire show. And it has. Some guys are too assured. The others are so far behind. Sex has “ruined everything”.
That being said, I can’t believe this is the first time that this has happened, speaking to both the overnights move-up and all the sex. Logically doesn’t it make sense to have had (a) alone time and (b) a chance to try out your physical chemistry before meeting someone’s parents? I know that I want to be sure about someone and our connection before spending time with their entire family… and that’s coming from the girl who would have a “no touching me until I touch you” rule for her Bachelorette season. Perhaps Chris Harrison is just using Kaitlyn’s “indiscretions” (aka the Bachelorette finally acting like a woman in her late 20s/early 30s would, and possibly should) as an excuse for restructuring the show into a format that makes more sense. At this point no one can be scandalized by her sleeping with 3 guys, right? She’s possibly already done that…
Until next episode…
Love & Luck,