Happy Birthday Henry VIII! Today 524 years ago King Henry VIII was born. Let’s Celebrate!
Henry VIII is arguably the most famous King of England. Seriously, who hasn’t heard of the six wives of Henry VIII? My love for this Tudor monarch began when I started watching The Tudors (great show, check it out!). Henry was manipulative, commanding, and very intriguing. While he successfully ruled a nation, he wasn’t necessarily the star. In actuality, I think his wives really stole the show.
For someone who doesn’t read up on Tudor history for fun and can’t keep them all straight, here’s a handy guide for you. I’ll even describe all the people involved in terms fanboys & fangirls can understand, aka fandom terms. I present to you: A Fangirl’s Guide to Henry VIII and his 6 Wives.
Today I’m going to sort each wife and Henry himself into their Hogwarts House, Game of Thrones House, Divergent Faction and what position they’d play on a Quidditch team. Because, you know, Henry plus his six wives equals a Quidditch team!
Henry VIII was a great king… until he became fat and crazy. But at the beginning he was strong and charismatic, brave and noble. He was well educated and attractive. What more could you want in a king? For many years he was exactly what you would picture when you hear the words ‘King of England’. He’s remembered today for founding the Church of England.
All of these things point towards Gryffindor and Dauntless. In classifying him into a Game of Thrones house he’d naturally be a Baratheon, his traits parallel Robert’s too much to be ignored. In playing quidditch, Henry would be the leader of his wives and the team. He’d be the strong captain keeping things together (because rival wives would not likely always get along). I think he’d also be a beater. He was fond of jousting… it seems like there’s some anger in there he’d like to get out.
Catherine of Aragon was Henry’s first wife. He was married to her for almost 24 years. Everything was happy until Catherine failed to produce a male heir and Henry started spending more time sleeping around.
I think Catherine is a Gryffindor… a strong willed Gryffindor. She was kind and generally liked by the people of court and England during her reign. Catherine was proud and a solid rock in the Tudor court. After her marriage ended, Catherine kept things together and stayed strong for the sake of her daughter. I think these actions were rather selfless and would also place her as Abnegation. Catherine would be the keeper of a quidditch team. Her protective and motherly qualities would have helped her keep those hoops safe.
Unfortunately Catherine of Aragon might be comparable to the Stark family. For the majority of their marriage Catherine and Henry were happy. It was a solid alliance until, rather suddenly, it was all over and she was banished from court.
Next comes Anne Boleyn. Anne was not going to let herself become the latest in a long line of mistresses and made Henry break from the Catholic Church and divorce Catherine to be with her. Anne and Henry were married and all was happy for a few years. Anne had a daughter, but after a number of failed pregnancies she could no longer keep her position on top.
Anne Boleyn was smart. She was educated and well read for the time, especially for a woman. She was also a schemer and waited until she was married before finally giving in to Henry’s sexual advances. Anne manipulated herself into the position as leader of a nation. This definitely makes her a Slytherin. She knew how to get what she wanted. I think a lot of these traits would also point towards Erudite. In addition, the Boleyn family are the Lannisters of Tudor times. They were conniving and would have done anything to get Anne on the throne (but comparing Anne and Margaery is too ironic not to mention…<3 Natalie Dormer). In playing quidditch I think Anne would have joined her husband as a beater. They would have made a great team – Tudor times OTP!
Anne’s downfall came through a series of charges with unconvincing evidence for adultery, incest and high treason. By the time Anne was beheaded, Henry had already moved on to Jane Seymour. Many believe Jane is the wife that Henry loved the most (I disagree, I think it was Anne Boleyn). Jane was the one to give Henry the son he so desired.
Jane is a Hufflepuff. She was sweet and nice but rather simple and not as well educated as the rest. I also see her as Abnegation. Jane was of a lower class than Henry VIII’s other wives and I think she cared more for others than herself. She found herself next to Henry with a lot of help from her family; this is very similar to the Tyrells in Game of Thrones. Jane would have found herself as a quidditch chaser, working together as a team with two other wives and putting the good of the team ahead of any personal glory.
Unfortunately Jane died shortly after childbirth. Henry was devastated and his next marriage was an arranged one. This time, it was German princess Anne of Cleves.
After Jane, Anne was not what Henry wanted. I think Jane and Anne might have been a little too similar. Except Anne was German and could only speak German. I also think Jane was prettier… actually historical records confirm Anne of Cleves was not exactly a looker. Anne would be a Hufflepuff as well. She was sweet and everyone (except Henry) really liked her. She just wasn’t as smart and sophisticated as some of the other wives. These traits would also lend her towards being Amity. I think I imagine her more artsy and into the simple life of a lady of the court. She wasn’t stupid though and knew how to maintain her status. She looked out for herself and thrived in her life after Henry. Henry is known for calling Anne of Cleves ugly… He did not think she was attractive enough to be his queen. Unfortunately this makes me relate her to Brienne of Tarth. She would have been part of Henry’s strong team of chasers.
Anne and Henry’s marriage was the shortest, lasting only 6 months. It was annulled on the claim it was never consummated. Next came Catherine Howard, young and naïve Catherine Howard.
By the time Catherine Howard came around Henry VIII was old and unattractive. Young Catherine liked the title and the perks that came with it, but she wasn’t particularly interested in Henry. She is the only wife known to have an affair during her time as queen. Catherine is the most Hufflepuff of all the wives. She was silly and really didn’t care about anything beyond having fun. She was educated well enough for the time but far inferior to the sophistication of the other wives. Catherine is known to love dancing and I think this points towards Amity. The Howard family and the Boleyns were related and there was a lot of scheming within. The Howards would be Lannisters as well, but they’re not important enough to be members of Tywin’s family. We’re talking the Lancel to Anne Boleyn’s Jamie. Catherine had an affair with Thomas Culpeper and got away with it for quite a while. She’s little, sneaky and knew how to get what she wanted. I think this would make her a great seeker. The fact that she was rather stupid shouldn’t affect her quidditch skills, right?
Catherine Parr was Henry’s sixth and final wife. She is known for restoring balance to court and reinstating Henry’s two daughters Mary and Elizabeth back into the line of succession. After a chaotic few years, Catherine Parr brought some stability to a rocky England. By this time Henry was ill and overweight and no longer our dashing king. But Catherine didn’t care. I don’t think she was very interested in Henry, just the good of the nation.
Catherine was a Ravenclaw. She was bright and knew how things worked. She could also figure out how to make things better, which would also point towards Erudite. In Game of Thrones terms, I would related Catherine Parr to Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King who ruled when Robert not interested in doing so. On the Tudor quidditch team, Catherine Parr would be the head chaser. Still just a chaser, but the one who was instrumental in organizing the other two. That trio of ladies are straight shooters and might not get the recognition the other players received, but would get the job done.
**Queen Elizabeth I would be a Targaryen, taking the throne after years of unrest and ruling for 44 years.
I hope you enjoyed A Fangirl’s Guide to Henry VIII and his Six Wives! What historical characters should I do next? I think I could have fun with this. Let me know in the comments.
– Justine Alyssa