Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
Another season of The Bachelorette has begun and the drama is in full swing… and earlier than usual! The first few weeks tend to be about awkward glances, sneaky first kisses and finding out if there is chemistry. Not this year. Kaitlyn has already made out with everyone. Guys are already throwing tantrums over their eliminations. And the guys are already falling… for each other…?
But before we get to any of that (aka the main take-away from this episode and how I would tweak the show to make it better… in case you’ve forgotten how these posts are usually structured), let’s start with this week’s highs & lows:
+++ I love that Kaitlyn fights her own battles. She confronted Kupah when he went bat-shit crazy in his exit interview. She’s gearing up to give Clint a piece of her mind about his questionable intentions. She’s no wilting flower, shying away from confrontation. She is woman, hear her roar.
— Kaitlyn being self-sufficient and totally baller means that Chris Harrison doesn’t need to rescue her. Sure watching Britt week-in & week-out would have been torturous, but she’s so ‘sensitive’ and ’emotionally invested’ that CH would have had to constantly reassure her, as a handsome white knight.
+++ Kupah took a drink into his “let us escort you off-site so you don’t trash the house now that you’ve been rejected on national television” car ride. You were a douche about leaving (“I honestly don’t even like her right now” – of course you don’t, she just told you that you’re awful and she doesn’t want to date you), but you knew how to do it in style, in the end.
+++Tony stepped away from his job, his dog and his bonsai tree to do this show. *snicker*
+++ They are really getting some star power on the show this year. First Amy Schumer. Now the heaviest Japanese person ever. What will be next???
— Should the men have been wearing those ‘diapers’ in public? We were just assaulted with screens full of blurred man-parts… there is no censored bar in real life, Producers.
+++ We have those escape rooms in Edmonton and they are the most fun ever!!!!!! Although they are nowhere near as traumatizing as the one Kaitlyn & Ben Z did. Seriously that place was freaking amazing and yet so ‘not cool’.
+++ Ben H teaching children is the cutest, most endearing thing ever… even with (or maybe especially because of?) a topic as awkward as reproduction.
— Did Kaitlyn ever tell the guys she was pranking them with the Sex Ed class? Because none of them seemed concerned. How could they not wonder what kind of twisted & neglectful parent let their children learn about something so sensitive (and honestly important) from such dolts? I was ready to call social services until Kaitlyn let us, the viewers, in on the joke.
— My other “low point” would be the Rose Ceremonies at the start of each episode. I know they are trying to create dramatic cliffhangers but having to wait a week to find out who gets the coveted rose and who gets the axe is throwing off my groove. Producers, why are you messing with a tried & true equation?
Anyways, here’s where we sit at the end of Week 2:
If you’ve read this series before you know how I feel about The Bachelor(ette). You know how little faith I have in its ability to make a legitimate match, or at least one that will last. I’ve done a statistical analysis to back my cynicism. And yet, despite the facts, many people still think they will find love on this reality show. The odd contestant is only looking for their 15 minutes in the spotlight, but most are there for the ‘right reasons’ in a quest to find their other half. This week we learned that Clint “believes in the process”… because he’s fallen in love with JJ…???
What is going on????
Don’t get me wrong, I am a supporter of loving who you love, no matter their gender… but Clint literally said he needed to get a rose this week so he could stay with JJ. It seems that, in a Bachelor(ette) first, a contestant has fallen in love with another contestant, rather than the Bachelor(ette) they are supposed to be vying for. Talk about the utmost in drama!
However, this isn’t really an original concept to me. I’ve always said that there should secretly be gay men mixed amongst the contestants. They would be vying for the Bachelorettes affections, right along with the straight men, but if they win they get money instead of “a lifetime of love & happiness”. Sure it kind of kills the ‘right reasons’ aspect of the show… but you always have devious attention seekers in the mix anyways. They might as well be planted for the viewer’s entertainment. Alternatively the gay man could be a plant as the Bachelorette’s mole. They could have secret gossip-filled rendezvous when the Bachelorette is filled in on the men’s real intentions. Either way, there is so much more potential drama to be had!
Two good things have come out of the Clint-JJ (b)romance though:
“If the eyepatch fits, wear it.” – JJ
“Villain’s gotta vill.” – Clint
Love & Luck,
My Fangirl Life’s Official Bachelorette Contestant Ranking:
#16 Clint (Down 13 from 3) Apparently I now care if people are in it for the ‘right reasons’…
#15 Tony (Up 3 from 18) Did anyone else hate themselves a little for agreeing with Tony on the “these dates have a theme of violence” thing? I mean, he took it to the extreme but he did have a point.
#14 JJ (Up 3 from 17) Note: he only went up three because three people went home.
#13 Jonathan (Up 3 from 16)
#12 Tanner (Up 1 from 13)
#11 Justin (Down 2 from 9)
#10 Ian (Down 3 from 7)
#9 Chris (Up 1 from 10)
#8 Ryan B. (Up 4 from 12)
#7 Jared (Up 1 from 8) Jared is growing on me, although I’m still holding “Love Man” against him.
#6 Corey (same)
#5 Ben Z. (Up 6 from 11) He finally made the good impression I’d been waiting for.
#4 Joe (same)
#3 Joshua (Down 1 from 2)
#2 Ben H. (Up 3 from 5) Ben H had dropped, not due to anything he’d done, just because of lack of screen time. He more than made up for it this week. So glad this heartthrob already has his rose.
#1 Shawn B. (same) “I just want to hang out with her the whole night.” For more Tuesday Walk of Shame (aka Bachelor fun) click the banner below: