Today is the day! It is Day 7 of Game of Thrones Week here on My Fangirl Life. Which means Season 5 of Game of Thrones is finally here! And how am I going to celebrate? By dreaming up the ultimate Game of Thrones boy band…obviously. Is there a better way to spend time thinking of dreamy men? Yes, thinking of them together in a non-threatening, adorably cute band!
For the sake of creating the ULTIMATE group this boy band exists in an ideal version of Westeros, where events like the Red Wedding never happened…and where there is a market for pop music created by gangs of teenage boys. No one dies…except maybe fans from their overwhelming feels when see the band.
Game of Thrones Disclaimer: I’m going to try not to be spoiler-y. But at this point I think Season 4/Book 3 are free game for discussion on the Internet (with a warning…don’t worry I’m following my own spoiler guidelines). So if you are not yet done that book/season proceed with caution. You’ve been warned.
Loras Tyrell – The Cute One
I feel like when the phrase “Westeros Boy Band” is uttered (because I am sure it is uttered soooo often) the first person that pops into anyone’s mind is Sir Loras Tyrell. He looks like he’s already in a boy band. The mop of curly blonde hair screams Justin Timberlake circa N’SYNC and his cheeks are Niall-Horan-level pinchable. Not to mention his title of ‘Knight of Flowers’. That is catnip for teenage girls!
Robb Stark – The Front Man
Robb would be the unofficial lead singer of the band. He would be noble and sincere in his belief that each member is equal but any real fan would realize Robb has the most solos. He’s also usually in the middle in all of the pictures. And he’s on the cover of all of the tabloids. In other words, Robb Stark would be Harry Styles.
Jon Snow – The Sensitive One
Poor Jon Snow may know nothing but he feels a lot. Why else would he always look so sad? I imagine Jon would be the main songwriter in the group. His soulful tunes about freezing his ass off on the Wall would have any maiden in tears.
There’s also a possibility Robb & Jon would be referred to as “Oh those are two different people?” Because sometimes it’s hard to tell boy band members apart…or remember that they are even part of the band. For weeks Liam was “the one I don’t think is actually part of One Direction.”
Gentry – The Hunky Athletic One
Years of working as a blacksmith’s apprentice has made Gentry’s body muscular and hard. He may not be as skilled with a lance as Sir Loras, but give him a hammer and he’ll make good work of a piece of steel. I somehow doubt the King Robert’s bastard can sing but that wouldn’t be important. His real job would be to stand shirtless in all promotional material and appeal to the ‘unwashed masses.’ Diversity is key and Gentry hits to ‘peasant’ category. (Also covered are nobleman, knight, bastard and eunuch).
Grey Worm – The Brooding One
Any boy band needs a quiet member. One who stays out of the spotlight, except when on stage. That would be Grey Worm. His stoic nature may seem like it would be unappealing to the masses, but I see the tweens of Westeros eating it up. “He’s so mysterious.” But maybe the band’s management should keep the castration under-wraps. Tragic back stories can be very endearing, but this one is bound to kill much of his sexy-appeal. (But then again, fangirls are into some weird stuff…just delve into the world of fan fiction…)
– Ramsay Snow/Bolton: However he take the term “Bad Boy” to a new extreme
– Theon Greyjoy: Cut on account of being an epic douche
– Lancel Lannister: Cut on account of being an epic weeny
– Bran Stark, Rickon Stark, Robin Arryn & Tommen Baratheon (although he’s been recast as older in the show): Too Young…perhaps they could start the next generation of boy band?
– Oberyn Martell & Daario Naharis: Sexy as all hell but too old for a boy band. They could start a hot man band.
– Trystane Martell: Images for Game of Thrones Season 5 show a boy band worthy hottie, but seeing as he has yet to be in an aired episode he’s going to have to wait off on joining the band. Perhaps he can be replacement for whoever inevitably quits (like Zayn).
There’s the band. They’d be quite a success, don’t you think? But why stop there? Let’s do a few more…
Sansa Stark – Head of the Fan Club
Sansa is a fangirl. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. She loves kingdom gossip and tales a valor. She marvels at seeing champions in real life and pleads to hear songs about possibly-fictional heroes. Instead of fantasies of a gallant knight handing her a rose at the end of a great tournament or a fearless warrior wearing her favor into battle, Sansa would be day dreaming of a hunky pop star pointing straight at her mid-concert…maybe even during her favorite song!
Joffrey Baratheon – The Pop Star Frenemy
Did you think I forgot about everyone’s ‘favorite’ boy king? Don’t worry, just because he is gone doesn’t mean the little monster is forgotten. But let’s be serious, there is no way King Joffrey is sharing the spotlight with 4 ‘teammates.’ Think of Joffrey as the Justin Bieber to the Westeros Boy Band’s One Direction. Sometimes they hang out but it’s really just an attempt to size each other up. It the end it’s a battle on the singles charts & social media…and the battlefield.
Cersi Lannister – Joffrey’s Mom-ager
Joffrey is having no success without his mother. Cersi will run his career, much as she ran his kingdom…wholly while letting him think he’s actually in charge. And if she has to roll over a few people to get her son to the top, well that just makes the ‘Game of Microphones’ all the more fun. She may be a crazy control freak but maybe if Cersi was Bieber’s mother he would have a few less mug shots.
Margaery Tyrell & Her Cousins – The Girl Group the Boy Band Tours With
And that would be the name of the group….Margaery & the Girls. Or Margaery & the Cousins. Or something properly signifying how much for important their leading lady would be. Unless little Lady Flowers is as much of a team player as she tries to appear. She could be like Adam Levine in Maroon 5: just one of the band, except the only member anyone remembers.
Who else should be in the band? Let me know in the comments!
Love & Luck,