Mangirling is a semi-regular feature that runs when the girls are too busy (lazy) to write their own posts, or when Johnny Rico feels the need to yell at the internet about something inconsequential. Read on for 6 signs you’re dating a secret Lannister.
Do you believe in God?
I could go back and forth for hours with you debating the existence of the almighty, but in the end it really doesn’t matter. Our discussion of a deity won’t have any impact on our existence; what really matters is whether God believes in you. With that in mind, I’d like to begin my discussion about the Lannisters. Everyone loves to hate the Lannisters. So what? The lion does not need concern itself with the opinion of sheep. Ask yourself: Do the Lannisters love to be hated? Let’s rebut last week’s post “6 Signs You’re Dating A Secret Lannister”, shall we?
1) He seems oddly affectionate towards his sister.
Naturally I do not feel the need to discuss crass rumors and innuendo, but to understand my affection towards my sister, you must first establish a Lannister’s baseline of affection. Lannisters don’t like anyone. Lannisters don’t need anyone. And Lannisters don’t want to be bothered with… you. However, I do like one of my sisters and do not wish any harm on her (the other one – the short one – is weird and I’m not sure why a third born needs to exist) and that in itself elevates our relationship to oddly affectionate.
2) He has a habit of plotting ways to take over the world.
You can call it “taking over the world” all you want. Your misunderstanding and liberal spin does not change the fact that I just want to make the world better. The easiest way for me to make the world better, your world better, is for me to be in charge. Listen, we can argue about this all day long, but in the end you’ll be forced to concede that I’m right. Why don’t we just skip ahead to that part and get on with our lives?
3) He somehow manages to always come out ahead despite not making any noticeable waves.
Fight the ocean or work with the ocean, it’s your choice really. Once you decide to get wet it all becomes a matter of not drowning.
4) He’s right far too often. (And knows it.)
Well, no kidding. What’s the point of being right all the time if you don’t know it? Being right isn’t a matter of luck and happenstance; a Lannister (secret or not) has to work at being right, put effort into being right, and develop a history of being right. If you can figure out I’m right, it’s the height of absurdity to think that I (the person who is right) doesn’t know that I’m right.
5) He always enjoys playing the game but doesn’t worry much about the result because the game never actually ends.
The rules of the game are simple:
- You are always playing the game
- You cannot win the game
- You can only lose the game
Plan your life accordingly.
6) When watching the show, the Lannisters are his favourite characters, and he thinks the Starks are naive babies.
Let’s compare and contrast, shall we? Please note that this is as of the end of season 3 – I’m not reading the books.
- Ned Stark: death by Lannister
- Robb Stark: death by Lannister proxy
- Catelyn Stark: death by Lannister proxy
- Bran Stark: crippled by Lannister
- Sansa Stark: married to a Lannister (by decree of Lannister)
- Arya Stark: missing due to fear of Lannister
- Rickon Stark: traipsing around the countryside doing nothing
- Stark Bastard: exiled and banging a wildling
- Winterfell: burned down
- Joffrey (Baratheon, but really) Lannister: King
- Tywin Lannister: King’s Hand, Lord of Casterly Rock, and richest man in Westeros
- Jaime Lannister: cripple by Stark proxy, but doing just fine otherwise.
- Cersei Lannister: Alive, Queen Regent, and to be married to a Lord (by decree of Lannister)
- Tyrion Lannister: married to a 14 year old virgin by decree of Lannister, theoretical Lord of the North, banging a foreign hottie, and perma-drunk
- Casterly Rock: not burned down
You pick whatever side you want to be on.
The answer to the question of “Do the Lannisters love to be hated?” is: They Don’t Care.
Do you want to know more?
– Johnny Rico