Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
I think I shall do a post in 3 parts, to reflect the three distinct parts of last night’s episode: The Finale. After the Final Rose. And the Bachelorette Announcement. Let’s dig into this “Most Dramatic Finale Ever”…
Highlights & Low Points:
+ “Is that his family? Or is that the population of his town?” – Eileen my Bachelor buddy re: Whitney walking in to meet Chris’s Family
+ “I think both.” – KG
– Chris claiming to have “got what I’ve needed” after pushing Becca for answers. No Chris, all you got was some vague awareness that she is probably not in love & not yet ready to move to Iowa… which you already knew.
+ Whitney has had a glass of wine in her hand at least 75% of the time she’s been on screen this season. And yet she’s super put-together & classy. That’s my kind of woman.
– Chris & Whitney went to harvest corn… first of all, did they? I can’t remember it actually happening… But also do you actually harvest corn when there is already snow on the ground? Seriously. This is a serious question. I would appreciate answers in the comments from any farmers reading this.
+ Did anyone else notice the moment when Chris smelled Becca after rejecting her?
+ + + HE CHOSE WHITNEY! And it was THE MOST adorable proposal ever.
I discussed in TWoS: Overnights… Because “We Deserve This” how disgusted I was with myself that I have started to enjoy this show. And not just enjoy it, but love it. I want to watch it. I want Chris to find happiness. Yes, I have recovered from Episode 6, aka TWoS: Is It Normal To Start Hating The Bachelor? and started to like Prince Farming again.
But mostly I want Whitney to find happiness. I love Whitney. Somehow this girl has dodged my automatic instinct to hate all Bachelor contestants and then wormed her way into my heart with her likeable and realistic nature. And her reactions to every situation she was placed into this episode, aka meeting Chris’ family, touring his farm and being proposed to, were sooooooo adorable. I “Awwww”ed at least 5 times this episode, which is at least 5 times more than ever before. Especially when she walked up to Chris in that stunning dress, shaking like crazy. It was so authentic. And I was legitimately & wholly happy for a Bachelor couple for the first time ever. I want them to have a real happily ever after. And a little bit of me just died when I admitted that.
After the Final Rose
Highlights & Low Points:
+ It would totally be worth getting engaged (despite not at all believing in the success of Bachelor(ette) engagements) for the huge ass ring. That thing is freakin’ huge.
+ Whitney: “We’re going to make some babies. And they’ll be f***ing cute.”
+ Chris Harrison harassing Ashley S on television, once again, until she agrees to be on Bachelor in Paradise. I was really #TeamAshley for the next Bachelorette (can you imagine how insane that would have been?!?!) but this is the next best thing. She’ll be wandering all over that island (?…beach?…resort?) exploring and possibly making friends with Clare’s raccoon bestie.
+ Seeing how happy Chris’ parents were with his choice was so heartwarming. His mom could not have been happier. They would have been happy for him no matter what, but I am certain they wanted Whitney. Momma Soules is #TeamWhitney.
I have to say I really respect Whitney for not watching all of the airing of The Bachelor. While I claim time & time again that I would be less crazy than the actual contestants throughout the season, I’m not sure I could keep my cool while watching it back. Can you imagine watching your man making out with 20 other women? I mean, it’s not like she didn’t know it was happening at the time but actually watching it would be another level of uncomfortable & disturbing.
I will give Chris props for not pulling the classic Bachelor “I knew it was her from the very start. There was no doubt in my mind.” I hate when the episode airs and they are so torn but then they claim in the After the Final Rose interview that it was no competition. You’re not fooling anyone, especially not your new fiancee. If I was Whitney I would be a little hurt by him not being 100% certain it was me, but I would appreciate him not bullshitting me.
The Bachelorette Announcement
Highlights & Low Points:
– Chris Harrison trying to make it seem like the world is split 50/50 between #TeamBritt and #TeamKaitlyn when it was clear that both the world & the studio audience kind of hate Britt.
– People pity clapping for Britt.
– Britt trying to pretend her and Kaitlyn will be best Bachelorette buddies.
+ Kaitlyn being totally legit about how awkward and “not ideal” her & Britt co-Bachelorette-ing is.
I wanted to just say #TeamKaitlyn. That’s it. But I also think I need to share this article about Sean Lowe’s disgust at the ratings-grabbing Bachelorette twist. And state that although I agree that it is kind of disrespectful to these two women, the Bachelor-hating part of me can’t wait to see what sick way they will carry out this twist. Will one of them be sent home night one? Will they be competing for the same men for the whole season? Or will one of them be relegated to a second mansion to choose from the other’s rejects? I am intrigued… which is obviously the point.
Hey Bachelor Nation buddies! Make sure to keep coming back every Tuesday because Tuesday Walk of Shame is not going to end just because the show is over. We need a way to make it through the long months before the May 18th Bachelorette premiere!
Love & Luck,