Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for The Bachelorette… because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly unromantic nerds deserve love too.
This week’s episode had a slightly different structure; the Producers love leaving us with a drama-filled cliffhanger so we had a multiple Rose Ceremonies. The first was delayed by Kelsey’s “panic attack.” As someone who suffers with anxiety I found this act vaguely insulting. The sobbing, the desire to talk to Chris and the light laughter afterwards made it obvious to an experienced panic-er that she was faking. The LAST thing I would want post-attack is to see the guy I am trying to impress. But Kelsey was working the system and used it as a way to “level up” (in Jade’s words). This chick is straight out of Gone Girl…her eyes are pretty but the sparkle is just hiding the crazy. “This guy has talked to me 3 times so we will obviously be deeply in love and together forever!” Top Level Stalker………sketchy.
Now on to the episode highlights!…and low lights because this show has so many of those…
– “I get it. I am blessed with elegance. And I’m articulate and I use big words because I’m smart.” Seriously Kelsey? Who says that??? Bitch Please.
+ Did Chris even realize that he hadn’t kissed Becca? He has spent so much time eating everyone’s face that it would be hard to keep track. But Becca is so cute apologizing to her dad for him having to see her kiss a boy on tv.
–/+ Chris’ laugh and Becca enjoying it…maybe? I enjoy that someone finally pointed out how stupid his laugh is.
+ Best 2-on-1 ever. 2-on-1’s are my favourite. They are so pleasantly awkward. I would want all of my dates, if I was the Bachelorette, to be 2-on-1’s. And I would also pair the most unlikely and opposite contestants, along with the men with the biggest flair for the dramatic. It’s becoming overly obvious to me that the Producers were toying with this seasons more than ever before.
+ The ladies popping champagne, leaping an hugging when they found out Kelsey was leaving. Best moment of the season so far.
And we have officially reached the point in the season where I start to hate the Bachelor. One of our Bachelor buddies is a newbie (well she used to watch but has skipped multiple seasons) and was wondering if it’s normal to start questioning your belief in our all-mighty Bachelor. I told her it’s inevitable. With Juan Pablo it was by episode 3. With others its taken longer. I think I may have possibly liked Sean all the way through (I know..crazy, right?).
With Chris it’s been gradual. His obsession with looks at the start was shallow but forgivable in the overwhelming situation. Then he fell victim to his wishy-washy nature multiple times. Make up your mind man! If you send a girl home, send her home. Don’t let her stick around for an extra week or come back for another date. Or rat out a girl for being honest on her thoughts about another contestant (I can’t believe I am defending Ashley). You’re picking a wife. Be a man and pick people.
But this week took us to new heights.
It’s so sleazy when Chris makes out with people (aka Britt) in front of others girls. This wasn’t the first time, but it was the most obvious. How does he not realize how degrading it is to everyone else?
Then he pulls Britt off to a Big & Rich concert while leaving the other women doing what? Drinking? I’d be drinking. They could have at least told the girls what was going on for the hour+ that they were left alone. Kaitlyn was crying over it…the girl who does nothing but laugh & joke. Whitney’s voice was thickly accented in her emotional state. And Chris does an awkward “I gave her the rose in private to make it easier on you” speech and leaves…? Worst.
If I was the Bachelorette I would have a goal of not being hated or being hated right from the start. I’d be a love her or hate her Bachelorette, but the feeling wouldn’t develop over time. Having strict rules (like ‘no touching me until I’ve touched you’) would help people see me in black or white. Good or bad.
Also, Have you ever noticed how small Chris’s ears are? Once you’ve seen it you’ll never unseen it. You’re Welcome for pointing it out.
Love & Luck,
The Week 6 Definitive Ranking of Farmer Chris’ Bachelorettes: (Click to Enlarge)
Notes: Ashley was the best yet in this episode (sincerely) – she acknowledged her crazy and called Chris out on not knowing what he wants or picking based on who would fit his life.