I read Game of Thrones for the first time over Christmas (as you probably know if you follow this blog because I included it in my posts obsessively for awhile afterwards). If you’ve read Game of Thrones too, you probably know that the series is full of a whole bunch of douches. Seriously, I don’t know how there can be THAT many in one book series. Maybe George R. R. Martin just really likes total jerks. I was overcome with the constant unfairness of it all and now feel inspired to write this post on the Top Douches of Game of Thrones.
I feel a little like I should preface this list by saying that though I am watching the show, I am only at the beginning of the second season, so all of these rankings are based on my opinions on the characters in the books.
Please note: There may be spoilers for all 5 books ahead. According to the My Fangirl Life spoiler rules laid out by Kris, Game of Thrones is sacred so I want you to be aware.
10. Theon Greyjoy
There was a point that Theon would have been much (and I mean much) higher on this list for me, but at this point, I just feel bad for him. He was basically stolen away by the Starks as a child to guarantee his father’s good behaviour (look at it from his perspective). Yes, he was raised alongside Ned and Catelyn’s own sons, so I definitely agree that what he did to Winterfell was treacherous and stupid, but look where he has ended up. His father basically disinherited him, which brought about the whole Winterfell thing. But that ended horribly, with all his men killed, and with himself maimed and broken, inside and out. I kind of think that death would have been a kinder fate for Theon Turncloak.
9. Tywin Lannister
Tywin is scary, calculating, powerful and most definitely intimidating, but the one thing that I will never ever forgive Tywin for is disinheriting and basically disowning Tyrion. I understand that he has been devastated about his wife’s death for Tyrion’s whole life, but that is no excuse for treating a son that way. That being said, Tywin isn’t higher on this list because I do think he acts reasonably most of the time, given that I disagree with the side of the war he is on.
8. Cersei Lannister
Cersei is a pretty big douche most of the time. She thinks she’s in control of it all, but really she is always being controlled (joke’s on you, Cersei!). She sees what is happening to Sansa and never stops it, and she lets her child get away with being an EVEN BIGGER douche than she is. That is the real crime here.
7. Janos Slynt
I will never forgive Slynt for betraying Ned Stark with the gold cloaks, and I’m just glad that Jon Snow was able to pay him back in the end (though, of course, this in itself was not without some challenges on Jon’s side). Slynt ranks as douchier than Cersei and Tywin because he is loyal to no one, and you can never take him at his word.
6. Walder Frey
Basically the betrayal of the Starks on top of the denial of guest right during Red Wedding is enough to land Lord Frey on this list. The fact that Robb ended up dead because of it is why he’s not merely number 10.
5. Roose Bolton
Roose is just plain cruel. Greatly cruel, in fact. He’s also greatly creepy, what with his leechings and flayings and first night traditions. And most of all, he is the person that physically kills Robb Stark, who is his liege lord, might I add. You’d think that Roose would be the epitome of douche, but apparently there are still people in this series that are worse than him.
4. Gregor Clegane
Gregor is specifically known for his violence and cruelty. He’s basically known as a murderer and rapist in a society full of murderers and rapists. He is accused of so many things throughout the course of this series, from causing the facial burn scars to his own younger brother, to killing his own family, to raping and killing poor little Rhaenys and Princess Elia, to seriously so much more than I can even list. Hard to believe he is only number 4 on this list.
3. Ramsay Bolton
The Bastard of Bolton is most definitely, indeed, a jerk. He is savage and wild and loves to torture anyone he can. He is abusive, sadistic, and depraved – an even bigger douche than his father, Roose. He doesn’t hesitate to kill, doesn’t hesitate to rape, doesn’t hesitate to betray, and doesn’t hesitate to flay. He’s not only a huge douche, he’s also totally not afraid to show it.
2. Joffrey Baratheon
I know, I know – most of you probably think that Joffrey should be the top, number one douche in this series. I agree that he is completely horrible. I agree that he started the whole stupid war by making the rash (and again can I say stupid) decision to cut of Ned Stark’s head. He didn’t listen to his mother. He didn’t listen to Sansa. He didn’t listen to any of his advisors. He just sent the kingdom into a state of war because he is not very intelligent. Though he is a total douche, the fact that he is stupid makes him slightly less scary.
1. Viserys Targaryen
Viserys, in my mind, is the number one jerk in the series. I mean, I know he wasn’t around for long. But think of all the concentrated douchiness in that short span of time. Now extrapolate that to him being around any longer than he was. The Beggar King was delusional and abusive towards his sister (and others) – in the short time he was around, I grew extremely tired of all his talk about “waking the dragon”. He was mad and would have made an absolutely horrible ruler. Worse than Joffrey? We will never know, but I certainly think so.
Who are your top Game of Thrones douches? There are so many of them it is hard to decide who is the worst..