Today is the official release of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies! While a chance to finally see the movie excited me to no end, I was not ready for the emotional trauma to follow. I was lucky enough to see the film during a Hobbit Marathon a couple of days ago and I’m still recovering.
While I’ll shy away from any mega spoilers (though seriously, the book came out 77 years ago!), the name of the movie includes the word battle. You know there’s going to be a battle, and in a war (unless you’re Twilight) people die. This movie kills off so many dreamy characters…half of the top 6 of Middle Earth’s Most Eligible Bachelors just gone. I’m still not ready to move on and I have a feeling many others will be feeling the same once they see the film.
So to honor those hunky characters who lost their lives and to say a final farewell to Middle Earth (as well as a follow up to the earlier published 30 Most Eligible Bachelors of Middle Earth), I offer you the 30 Most Hunky Actors of Middle Earth:
30. Brad Dourif (Wormtongue) (-) – I googled Brad Dourif and kinda shuddered like I do when I see Wormtongue. That’s rather unfortunate for this fellow. Though I am glad to find out that he has been married and has a daughter.
29. Sylvester McCoy (Radagast) (NA) – New entry on this list. Mr. McCoy seems rather old and a tad creepy to look at. Again, unfortunate, but he was the Doctor at one point, so there’s an extra point for him.
28. Bernard Hill (Theoden) (Down 7) – While I said Theoden was probably quite dreamy at a young age, I didn’t really feel the same looking at Bernard Hill. But he was in Titanic so I’ll be a little nice.
27. Christopher Lee (Saruman) (Up 1) – It felt a little creepy to rank Christopher Lee on sexiness. He does have that wonderful deep voice, but he’s also 92. Somehow that doesn’t feel very sexy to me.
26. John Rhys Davies (Gimli/Treebeard) (Down 7 Gimli, Down 1 Treebeard) – I find John Rhys Davies a little frightening (he’s intimidating!) and think he looks slightly evil. Not a look I often find attractive.
25. Ian Holm (Old Bilbo) (Down 3) – Again I can’t say I find Ian Holm exceptionally sexy, but again that’s likely an age thing. He does look like a cute old man which is endearing.
24. John Noble (Denethor) (Up 5) – John Noble looks remarkably better without his Denethor ensemble but again can’t say this guy really turns me on.
23. Ian McKellan (Gandalf) (Down 6) – Oh Gandalf. Ian McKellan seems like a great guy and a ton of fun. If you haven’t already, check out his bromance with Patrick Stewart. It’s the cutest bromance in the history of bromances. While I’m not particularly attracted to Ian McKellan, he does have some pretty great qualities.
22. Hugo Weaving (Elrond) (Up 4) – I may have been a little mean to Elrond on my previous list, he does have some awesome redeeming battle scenes in BOTFA. But I’m still not fully on board. Plus I feel Hugo Weaving is looking a little old these days.
21. Sean Astin (Sam) (Down 10) – While Sam would probably make the most loyal and caring husband in all of Middle Earth, I can’t say I want to get together with Sean Astin anytime soon. Sorry Sean, just really not my type.
20. Mikael Persbrandt (Beorn) (-) – At times Mikael Persbrandt has a bit of a sexy foreign look going on and at others I feel he is extremely creepy. Still it’s probably a better look than all the hair he had going on as Beorn.
19. Random Dwarves 3-12 (Up 4) – Now I’m going to keep this mass of actors grouped as one. For the most part, these characters are rather indistinguishable. However, if you look at the actors there are some decent looking fellows there! Adam Brown, Jed Brophy, William Kircher, Graham McTavish, Stephen Hunter and James Nesbitt are all attractive enough to make this list, but as a whole I think the group averages out right here in 19th place.
18. Andy Serkis (Gollum/Smeagol) (Up 6) – Andy Serkis seems like a great guy but he also still reminds me of Gollum, slightly odd and possibly even rodent like. But the scruffy look does help; it’s a look I can get behind.
17. Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn) (Down 16) – Sorry Viggo, he fell the most on this list. Aragorn is a hunk, but I can’t say I’m attracted to Viggo. There are some redeeming features in his excellent bone structure, but the long hair look needs to go. He almost reminds me of Rumpel from Once Upon A Time.
16. Martin Freeman (Young Bilbo) (Down 4) – Again, I can’t say I’m overly attracted to Martin Freeman but he does have a very distinguished look going on. It’s quite cute really, almost adorable.
14. Billy Boyd (Pippin) (Down 1) – The main driver here is that time I heard Billy Boyd sing in person. And boy was that sexy. Plus he’s Scottish and an overall cute fellow. He’s also in a band and able to pull off an almost bad boy image which is kinda hot.
13. Manu Bennett (Azog) (NA) – I needed someone else to round out this list and why not this hunky Orc (there’s no such thing as a hunky Orc; the reason why he did not make the other list). But when he’s not in his Middle Earrth best, he’s got this dark and intimidating look going on. Quite mysterious and more than a little sexy.
12. Sean Bean (Boromir) (Up 2) – Oh Sean Bean. Again, I think he just gets points for being Sean Bean. He’s got a very distinguished older man look going on and it totally works in this case. Plus, he just looks so charming and honorable all the time.
11. Richard Armitage (Thorin) (Down 5) – I think Richard Armitage should invest in a long term wig and beard deal with WETA, cause he is so hunky as Thorin but I’m just not feeling it as much in real life. Still though, this guy is far from being bad looking. I just miss some of the hair.
10. Craig Parker (Haldir) (Up 7) – Craig Parker is pretty sexy. Who knew this was under that elf wig?! Plus, I saw him in real life and he was hilarious and charismatic; makes it rather easy to fall for this hunk.
9. Dominic Monaghan (Merry) (Down 2) – This hobbit is quite hunky in real life. He’s also got a cute little bad boy look going on. I imagine he’s rather mischievous and quite a fun guy. What’s not to love?
8. Elijah Wood (Frodo) (Up 1) – I’ve loved Elijah Wood since the start; I was drawn in to those gorgeous blue eyes from day one. He’s got a rather innocent good boy look and it totally works. I just want to ruffle that hair and stare into those eyes.
7. Karl Urban (Eomer) (Down 4) – Why wasn’t Karl Urban in these films more? He’s a hunk and for such little screen time he does quite well on these lists. I’ve also had the chance to see Karl Urban in person and he’s dreamy, plus entertaining.
6. Benedict Cumberbatch (Smaug/Necromancer) (Up 10) – Big jump here for Mr. Cumberbatch. But who wouldn’t prefer Benedict to Smaug?? Benedict’s voice just draws me in; he could probably convince me to do anything. I love him, but I definitely prefer some looks to others. Benedict as Sherlock would definitely be close to the top of this list, but at other times he’d loose a spot or two. There’s just something about this guy. He’s hunky and I’m not entirely sure I or the rest of the internet knows why.
5. Aidan Turner (Kili) (-) – I probably prefer Aidan Turner in his Kili get up (because Kili is just so sexy and boy was I rooting for him!) But there’s still something about this dreamboat that draws me in. I think it’s the dark hair and little bit of facial hair. Plus there’s still something dangerous about him. I like!
4. Luke Evans (Bard) (Up 4) – If I had made my Most Eligible Bachelors list after the marathon the other night, I can almost guarantee Bard would have climbed a few places. What a hunk! And seeing photos of Luke Evans on the red carpet only helped his cause.
3. Lee Pace (Thranduil) (Up 12) – Welcome the biggest climber between lists! Lee Pace is hunky! I had no idea! I didn’t even recognize him without the Thranduil wig on the red carpet. I didn’t know who he was by name, but I knew he was going to be #3 on this list! Mega dreamboat. Scruffy or not, I’m a big fan!
1. Dean O’Gorman (Fili) (Up 3) – Dean O’Gorman does not benefit from dwarf makeup because this man is a mega hunk in real life. At Calgary Comic Expo last year, Kris literally stopped dead in her tracks at first sight of him. This led to us standing and staring for the majority of that weekend. We knew he was one of the sexy dwarves, but I had no idea he was this sexy. Not to brag but he hugged me once. *Swoon* Mega hunk alert. Makes BOTFA even sadder.