Welcome to my weekly blog series: Tuesday Walk of Shame. Here I hang my head low as I admit to having watched the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor (or its various spin-offs) and provide my own personal commentary. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for a decidedly different Bachelorette.
Because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly un-romantic nerds deserve love too.
It’s the Tuesday Walk of Shame: Bachelor in Paradise Finale Post. Awwww 🙁 I know reader, it’s very sad. What will we do for the next 4 months with no Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise? How will we get though Monday nights without our excuse to drink wine on a weekday? And how will we all survive without a weekly Tuesday Walk of Shame? Well I have a few ideas but you’ll have to wait to see them in the upcoming weeks…stay tuned!
On a happier note, BIP has been renewed for a second season! Woot! Woot! Here’s hoping they take a bit of my advice (see last week’s Walk of Shame) and do a bit of restructuring for the next attempt at matching up Bachelor rejects desperate for love & fame. That being said, this week I did see where they were attempting to go with this show format. I’m still not sure I like it (what with the dumping of most of the ‘cast’ within the first 20 minutes) but I get it. Chris Harrison made it painfully clear to all of us that this show was about making real relationships. He put the coupes through the wringer and after many checks & balances claimed that those who remained had lasting love. Since it’s all about the couples (as opposed to my suggestion of having it be all about single dating drama) lets look at how our ships emerged out of Paradise: sailing strong on the winds of love? Or smashed and broken on the rocks of friendship/insecurity/not enough time?
GRAHAM & ASHLEE
Awhaaaa! That is the sound of the heavens opening up and the angels singing because Graham finally wised up, got his act together and kicked that crazy b!t*h to the curb! I like Graham and am sad that AshLee’s psycho possessive tendencies kept me from becoming the BIG fan I was meant to be. Basically I’m hoping he might be back next season (fingers crossed).
Also, how great was the closing montage!?!?! “Graham has deleted his Instagram.” Oh Bachelor, you’re so funny. But seriously, I enjoy how much they poked fun of not just the contestants but also the ridiculous premise of the show.
CHRISTY & TASOS
Oh no! Christ & Tasos broke up! Just kidding…not about the break-up, that definitely happened, but about being upset. Honestly i was not invested in either of these people and their relationship was one date in so it had not grabbed my attention even a little bit. Being brought in right at the end totally screwed both of these contestants over. How was Tasos ever supposed to be in something ‘real’ if he had only been in Paradise for 6 days? That’s unrealistic, even for a Bachelor show.
JACKIE & ZACH
I wish Jackie & Zach had tried to take things out into the real world. Not in the intense ‘you must be together forever’ way that Chris Harrison was making leaving this show out to be but in a ‘casually dating like two normal people’ sort of way. They looked really great together. But then again I never got the feeling that they were that into each other, especially her.
SARAH & ROBERT
Drama! Drama! These two stuck around past the first 30 seconds of the episode…luckily. What would the Producers have done with the rest of the 2-hour show if everyone had decided they didn’t want to continue on dating? Anyway, I though these two were going to make it and go on to be the world’s most boring couple. Did they ever prove me wrong! Instead Sarah told the world that Robert didn’t even want to touch her and he seemed to think wearing his jeans to bed was not only something people do (??? How is that comfortable?) but something acceptable to do in the Fantasy Suite. Was participating in this show just an elaborate rues on Robert’s part to throw off suspicion that he’s gay? Or maybe he just really enjoys wearing jeans to bed? Either way Sarah was left with feelings of self-doubt…because what she needed was to be less confident…not.
MICHELLE & CODY
I am with the Bachelor Success Story couples: I never imagined this relationship was the real thing. I was certain Michelle would jump ship at some point during the course of the evening, but she didn’t. She gave Cody a chance and let him convince her with his kind words & heart-felt emotion…except that her decision seemed to actually be sealed with a visit to the Fantasy Suite:
“Maybe it’s very muscular, like the rest of him. Like the Hulk.” – Michelle talking about Cody’s *beeeeeep*
“I am really sore & definitely satisfied.” – Michelle after Fantasy Suite
“I knocked some stuff off my Bucket List last night.” – Cody after Fantasy Suite
I honestly hope they make it as they both seem like genuinely good people. But i still have my doubts. The end montages included Michelle singing like a lovely, crazy person but word that Cody was moving to be with her. Good Luck!
LACY & MARCUS
As much as this show and it’s weird dating format and love in general disgust me, I am actually happy these two are together. Yes, I feel like it’s too soon and too fake of a setting to be saying ‘I Love You.’ And yes, I do think it’s too soon after Marcus was in manufactured love with Andi. But with Lacy’s simple mind and Marcus’ simple heart I think they can make it work. Considering that we all knew they’d end up together the proposal added some intrigue to the end of the show. Lacy is also moving to be with her new love and they are planning the wedding. Maybe slow down a notch kids, but here’s hoping you’ll be together forever!
Yay! Bachelor in Paradise success! I guess their structure worked out for these two couples…for the time begin at least. Unfortunately this is the end. I’ll see you in January when we watch Farmer Chris search for his soulmate…or maybe sooner… Be sure to check back if you’re going through withdrawals!
Love & Luck,