I’m starting a weekly blog series called the Tuesday Walk of Shame. In it I’m going to take a look at the newest episode of The Bachelorette (or the Bachelor when it is on again) and discuss. I’ll tell you what I loved. I’ll tell you what I hated. And most importantly, I’ll tell you what I would have done differently.
Vote Kris for a decidedly different Bachelorette.
Because socially anxious, kinda bitchy, hopelessly un-romantic nerds deserve love too.
This was a fun week in the Bachelorette house. Before I get to my focus of the “week” (except not because there’s another episode tomorrow night!!!) let’s look at some of the highlights:
– JJ’s date was my favourite part. I love silly, playful, fun interactions. I’m not into heavy romance…that is the most sure-fire way to chase me off. These are the dates The Bachelorette would have to plan for my season. Keep things light so I wouldn’t have overwhelmed panic attacks behind-the-scenes of every episode (except not because that would be television gold).
– Who wouldn’t love having boy bands formed for them! This fangirl loves boy bands!
– Bradley does realize that being a ‘good singer’ (remember the little girl with her hands over her ears, lol) isn’t going to immediately win him Andi’s heart, right?
– Also…”I love to be loved and I love to love.” Bradley, could you be any more lame?
– I almost don’t remember Nick’s date… I’m sure it was romantic and he was wonderful…But I still find him forgettable. I’m not sure why. Justine & KG are all swoony about him but I’m pretty ‘meh.’
– I enjoyed the “make drama” moment with the you-got-a-girl’s-number confrontation. Andi doesn’t create enough drama apparently; the producers need to inspire the men to do it themselves. Because you know Chris Harrison was whispering in their ears trying to ignite that angry fire.
– There will be DRAMA tonight! Or at least that’s what the preview they showed allllll episode has led me to believe.
What I really want to discuss isn’t distinctly ‘this week’ but a general ‘the first 3 weeks’ thing:
Andi has kissed a heck-of-a-lot of men.
Don’t you think? Maybe it’s not that big of a deal and I’m still stuck in the Juan Pablo days. Remember how in one breath he’d to make a huge deal about how many girls he could kiss and then start trying to swallow some girl’s face in the next? It became a major topic of discussion for him and perhaps I’ve been trained to be hyper-sensitive to the issue. Still though, we are on week three and it feels like Andi kissed at least half of the remaining contestants tonight. That’s still a large pool of talent.
And I can bet she’s not brushing her teeth mid-cocktail party, so there might not be so much as a courtesy mouthwash rinse in between men. By middle-school logic most of Andi’s guys have now kissed each other.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m no prude. However, were I the Bachelorette we’d still be trying to get through the No-Touching Rule phase. In case you don’t know what that is:
No Touching Rule: The guys will not touch Kris until she has touched them. The touching shall never progress more than 6 inches past the point at which Kris touched them. (For example: If I touch their elbow they now have free-reign anywhere on the arm below the shoulder.)
By this point maybe (and I mean maybe) 2 of the gentlemen would have access to my head and face (those 2 men being Chris Harrison and one other lucky soul). When he reaches that level the man is free to commence kissing. Basically by the time I had given enough men permission to kiss me there wouldn’t be enough left to match the precedent Andi has already set for number of men kissed.
As a last note: I don’t hate Andi. This is a really big deal for me. Normally by this point I’m already annoyed by the Bachelorette. But Andi is pretty okay. Sure she is too obsessed with love for me and she appears to have an overly emotional freak-out next episode but I like how she really owns who she is. No, I don’t agree with her when she says things like “Wearing the old-person make-up shows me what it feels like to grow old with someone” but maybe the editing is not doing her justice? She’s kissed a lot of guys, especially for being only 3 weeks in, but she isn’t stressing about it (or even bringing it up at all…very unlike Juan Pablo). She’s skipped the excessive bikini-clad pool parties and instead sits & eats (What!?! People actually eating on a Bachelor show???) & asks the guys real questions. We will have to see if this continues or if tonight she nose-dives into whiny, insecure girliness.
It’s pretty scary but for the second week running I agree with Andi’s eliminations. Am I starting to think like a Bachelorette? Scary.
The last spot (or first in the ordering of the photos) could really have gone to any number of men in my books. Stop blending into the scenery guys! Stand out!
See below for my new Definitive Ranking.
Love & Luck,
Here is my Post-E03 Definitive Ranking:
1. Chris Harrison – Still perfect. Actually, there wasn’t enough Chris Harrison this week! I’m starting a revolt!
2. Marcus – He’s still very attractive. His comments sometimes make me worry he might become a clinger…but as he is not one yet he can remain in his “top” spot.
3. JJ – They had such a fun date. He seems so fun. I love unique, quirky weirdos. (Up 2)
4. Chris – Chris was not very prominent in this episode…be he still seems charming. (Down 1)
5. Marquel – I enjoy him. He was super invested in his Boyz II Men performance. (Up 4)
6. Nick V. – He’s very romantic and I know I should be swooning over his creative gestures…but I just find him boring…I’m sorry Nick; you’re just not my type. (Down 2)
7. Dylan – He didn’t have a date and didn’t make a big deal about it; therefore he did not annoy me. Sometimes not doing anything would be the best thing you could do for this Bachelorette. (Up 4)
8. Josh M. – Am I the only one who thinks this guy is incredibly one-dimensional? (Down 2)
9. Cody – He had a personality this week. Where did that personality come from Cody? It doesn’t matter, just keep it up! (Up 4)
10. Tasos (Down 3)
11. Andrew (Down 2)
12. Brian – Who are you Brian? To me you appear to just be part of the sofa. (Down 1)
13. Patrick – Who are you Patrick? To me you appear to just be part of Andrew. (Down 1)
Not Ranked: Eric