Tuesday Walk of Shame

I had planned on religiously Bachelor blogging with a Tuesday Post-Bachelor Walk of Shame, but then life stepped in. It was supposed to be new episode=new post but work got crazy and being on a 24-day shift means you lose all track of what day it really is. However I still want to talk Bachelor so let’s go back and try to catch up…

A couple episodes ago episode there were rumors abound about Juan Pablo & Clare’s moonlit romp. Actually there are still rumors floating about even though it’s been weeks since it happened (well in reality it’s been months since it happened…weeks since they aired it). Although the show made it sound like the Latin stud & his high-strung lady-love purely frolicked in the ocean, the rather innocent words had seriously intense undertones. That steamy make-out session we all witnessed looked to be going places and if editing is portraying Clare in an anywhere true-to-life manner she would not have stopped him if he’d pushed forward. Now look at me talking around the issue like I’m on the show. The whole purpose of this blog-series is to show how fun it would be to have someone completely different on the show. So I’ll just say it: Did Juan Pablo & Clare already have sex? He seemed to be feeling a degree of regret that was too deep to correspond with what we were told happened. And she was taking her reprimanding very harshly. Basically they got down & dirty very early in the show’s progress.

If I was the Bachelorette I could guarantee that would not happen. I wouldn’t ever even have a chance to get into a situation like this. And you know why? Because there is no way I would put up with someone coming to my room “after-hours.” It would be exhausting enough dealing with everyone’s bull shit when the cameras were rolling. At 4 am I am going to be getting my beauty sleep not listening to some meat-head drone on & on about how he loves me. Remember, ‘Love’ is off limits. And don’t try to get around that rule by saying things like “I’m falling for you” because that’s basically the same thing. It’s an implied use of the dreaded L-word.

I don’t know how people can feel good about themselves after sneaking out of a house full of people they’re pretending to be friends with and cheating at a game you are all participants in. I hate cheaters. Ok, maybe it’s not technically against the rules, no one has ever been thrown off the show afterwards, so perhaps I can’t technically call these people cheaters. But at best they are uber-douches. They are the kind of people who drive right to the front of a line of backed-up cars and expect someone to let them merge in. There is nothing more road-rage-inducing than someone who feels their time is worth more than mine and thinks they can cut in after I have waited so patiently.

“But Kris,” you argue, “people showing up & sneaking off with the Bachelor(ette) in the middle of the night makes for good tv.” To that I say: Me letting out my pent up aggression and slamming the door in some cheater’s face would make for good tv too. How would he react? Maybe he’ll argue & I’ll get to slap him! At worst we’d all get to laugh as he pathetically walked home with his head hung low.

Basically I don’t know why Bachelor(ette)s put up with this practice. If I were elected Bachelorette I would lobby to cut douche-baggery by at least 50%!
Vote Kris for Bachelorette!

Love & Luck,
Kris